Yup. It's that time of the year when my brother Jimmy and I draw up a list of resolutions we REALLY wish famous people would make.
Here you go — the 2010 edition, from our homes to yours.
Tiger Woods I: I resolve to play "golf"… not "the field."
Tiger Woods II: I resolve to learn how to apologize … in Swedish.
Mrs. Tiger I: "Forlat mig." Ja! That's how you say it.
Mrs. Tiger II: But don't bother.
Mrs. David Letterman: What she said.
Jon Gosselin I: I resolve never to make anyone look at me wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt in public again.
Jon Gosselin II: I resolve never to make anyone look at me in public again PERIOD.
Balloon Boy Parents: The next time we think about squandering other people's time, money and good will, we promise to take ourselves behind the woodshed and give us a good licking.
Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.): The next time I'm tempted to go all holier-than-thou on the Senate floor, I promise to remind myself I used to play someone named Stuart Smalley on "Saturday Night Live."
Sarah Palin: The next time I blow through Salt Lake City with my "I-respect-the-hardworking-people-of-America" routine, I promise NOT to stiff another hardworking hairdresser who resides there.
Levi Johnston: Hey, America! Look at me! Look at me!
Brad Pitt: I resolve to just say NO to nasty facial hair.
Residents of Utah: We resolve to just say NO to nasty nuclear waste.
Rod Blagojevich (D-Ill.): Me + Hair Jokes = Shooting Fish in a Barrel.
Lindsay Lohan: Oh, honey. Where to start?
Carlos Boozer: I will not covet an offer from the Miami Heat … at least not publicly.
Urban Meyer I: I resolve to retire from college football.
Urban Meyer II: Or not!
Jay Leno I: I resolve to retire from television.
Jay Leno II: Or not!
Kardashian Sisters I: Why are we famous?
Kardashian Sisters II: Seriously. WHY are we famous?
Mr. and Mrs. Salahi: Hey, America! Look at us!
Tracy Morgan: I resolve to keep that Tracy Jordan Crazy Train rolling!
BCS: We resolve to give EVERYONE a fighting chance.
Carrie Prejean: I resolve NOT to make any more home movies.
Kanye West: If Taylor Swift wins another award at the VMAs this year, I promise to stay home.
Bret Favre: Yo. Whatever it is I'm doing to keep these guns loaded, I'm gonna keep right on doing it.
Madonna I: Anybody wanna see MY guns?
Madonna II: Because these days I am just a one-woman gun show!
Charlie Sheen: I will try to improve myself by becoming as good a person as my TV character in "Two and Half Men."
Hugh Hefner: I can't believe I'm still alive. And still wearing silk pajamas.
Levi Johnston and Mr. And Mrs. Salahi: COME ON, AMERICA! LOOK AT US! LOOK AT US!
That Guy Who Always Wins the Hot Dog Eating Contest: Dude. I feel sick.
e-mail: acannon@desnews.com