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Some spirited tidbits to chew on

For years, "three dot" journalism (itemized columns like Brad Rock's "Rock On") were the rage among newspaper columnists.

Now you seldom see them.

Here's one today:

If Brigham Young came back for a day, I'm sure many things would startle him — the horseless carriages, the tall buildings, women in pants.

But I think he'd be especially flummoxed by a headline I saw last Monday:

"Saints crush Colts in Super Bowl."

In this era of political correctness, how do pickle companies get away with calling their stubby little green pickles "midgets"?

Come to think of it, how does Salt Lake City get away with putting embossed caricatures of Indian chiefs around the bases of its lamp posts?

I'm a big fan of clever epitaphs. Ken Brewer, the poet laureate of Utah, planned to write one for me — before he died.

For years, I've collected epitaphs that make me smile.

The other day, I found this self-styled epitaph written by poet Nicanor Parra:

I was what I was —

A mix of oil and vinegar,

A sausage stuffed

with both beast and angel

While talking about epitaphs, it's been my experience that when people near the time they'll need one, what they want most is to be comforted.What we do, instead, is make them comfortable. It's always easier to treat physical discomfort than spiritual discomfort.

Slogan I saw on a poster for Catholic kids:

"Get a spine, it's time to shine."

Slogan I'd like to see on a poster of BYU football players offering a prayer on the field:

"Take a knee"

Slogan I'd like to see on a poster of two teens holding hands:

"Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder"