We're closing the "singles staying single longer" topic at just about the right time. These past few articles kicked up the dust, and it doesn't look ready to settle just yet. Emotions are at a fever pitch, and I don't blame anyone.
Being single late in life (... and that's all relative) places burdens on some backs. It poses the question, "Why me?"
Left out of the proverbial circle of wedlock, we are filled with a gamut of emotion:
Suspicion, "Am I going to get married?"
Denial, "I don't need to be married"
Resentment, "It's not my fault! He broke up with me."
Guilt, "I missed a chance to be married"
Self-hatred, "Why would anyone marry me?"
Amidst all of this, each of us finds our own reasons for staying single longer. We want to see the world. We want to accomplish lofty goals of success. We seek autonomy to fulfill our wildest dreams.
And, there is nothing wrong with that. We are each on this world to fulfill a purpose.
If the marriage card isn't dealt in our immediate hand, there is no sense in wallowing in frustration. There are capacities to be filled.
A Mormon Times reader sent me the best quote that encapsulates this point: "I'm not single because I'm busy; I'm busy because I'm single. If the chance for marriage came my way, I would drop the busyness immediately."
Why are we so concerned about marital status anyway?
Our faith is fraught with depictions of familial bliss and lasting unions. Surrounded by all this on a weekly or even daily basis leaves the individual wanting.
My intent for starting these past few blog posts was to bring an open awareness of the frustration most singles feel when the marriage topic arises. Sure, we have a lot of things going for us, but no matter how many friends we have, no matter how successful we are, we're still single. Being reminded of it doesn't help the cause for matrimony.
As older singles, we've frequented enough parties, get-togethers, whatevers to know that dating is nothing but failure. It is depressing, restless and hopeless. There is no peace in "singledom."
In the words of Pat Benatar, "Love (really) is a battlefield." Cresting 30 and single, we've been beaten, battered and bruised.
I suppose we should just give up and focus on our reasons for staying single. The quest for marriage is rife with much heartache, which can't be worth our time.
Alas, we still play the game, fight the fight; gripping tightly upon the fine fiber of faith. We reflect upon song of The Byrds, "to everything, turn, turn, turn; there is a season ... and a time for every purpose under heaven."
For some, this single life is a grieved frustration that is too much to deal with. It has some feeling like a lone island in the midst of a tumultuous sea, desperately searching for peace, love and respect.
The once longing for a fun-filled Friday night has turned into a commiserating party for one. However, we are not forsaken.
There is the One who experienced the full weight of a lonely Friday, who truly knows what it is like to be alone. He comes to comfort us during those abandoned evenings.
During the October 2006 general conference, Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, late member of the Quorum of the Twelve, spoke of those difficult Fridays.
"Each of us will have our own Fridays — those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays."
The Mormon apostle also mentioned that is was "on (the) Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.
"It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God," Elder Wirthlin said.
"But the doom of that day did not endure.
"The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord" overcame the world, its sorrows, and he encircles us in the arms of his love.
There are no reasons why we stay single. But rather, because we are single, we pursue the goals we can, making the most of our lives.
If marriage is a blessing to come, than we will wait upon the Lord, knowing that all things happen in his due time. Being single is not a goal most strive to maintain.
Regarding marriage, if there be only a glimmer of hope, we try. If there be only a ounce of faith, we believe. If there be only one more chance, we dare.
No matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.