In the past weeks, I have received several questions from parents about how to become more effective. So many parents (especially moms) feel overwhelmed by the daily demands.
Trying to raise children in today's society is not an easy task. Our children are being pulled from all sides by a multitude of distractions, different moral values and just plain evil. They have so many demands to meet, and at times it's difficult to know when to give in and when to say no.
The first thing to determine, of course, is which of those demands qualify as a need versus a want. As a parent, taking care of our children's needs is a part of the job; fulfilling all their wants however, is actually hazardous to their (and our) overall health — physically, emotionally and spiritually.
As a simple analogy, imagine that parenting is like going bowling. If the kids are too small but still want to participate, we usually will ask the manager of the facility to put up the \"bumpers,\" otherwise the bowling ball will usually end up in the gutter. It takes time, effort, coordination, maturity and skill to be able to get the bowling ball down the middle most of the time. I want you to imagine that as parents, we put up the \"bumpers\" to protect our kids from falling into the gutters of life. Of course we would like our kids to \"bowl\" straight down the middle in all of their choices and keep getting strikes. But such an outcome is highly unrealistic.
Children, whether they are 5 or 17, will usually strive to go down the middle, but invariably their lives will go off-center. It's meant to be that way, as long as they can bounce off the boundaries we set up for them (aka the bumpers). By the time they get to the end of the alley, they might bounce back and forth several times before they hit the pins. Setting clear and firm boundaries actually provides safety for them, even if they don't like it or understand why. In the end, we want our children to be successful and hit as many pins as possible — even a few strikes now and then.
Since we're all children of God, in some ways the same analogy applies to us. God has set up certain \"bumpers\" or \"boundaries,\" such as the commandments. If we choose to obey them, then our lives will be blessed. If we choose to go off and ignore those lovingly set bumpers, then we'll end up in the gutter and get a really low life-score! We're all in this together, so whether we're talking about bowling, parenting or our own lives, boundaries are there for our safety and protection. Within them we can thrive, without them we'll ultimately pay a heavy price.
Just like in bowling, eventually as parents we must take down the bumpers and allow our children to exercise their agency. If they have been taught well and allowed to safely bounce against the boundaries, they will be better prepared for life.