PROVO — It takes more than just good computer filters and family rules to stop pornography addictions from forming.
Good family communication is the key.
"Filters and rules prevent accidental exposure," said Kimball Benson at BYU's Campus Education Week. But it won't stop those who are actively seeking it out. And no filter is absolutely foolproof.
"The biggest mistake people make is that they are above it," Benson said.
Talking about it
"It's not a question of 'if' but 'when'," Benson said of children and teenagers being exposed to pornography. "It's not that they are doing anything bad, but it's the world we live in."
Benson polled the class with the question, "How are sexual topics addressed in the home?" The possible answers: none; the "talk"; occasional discussions; and frequent and open discussion.
"They are going to have 'the talk.' It's going to happen," said Benson, whether it's at home or it's from their friends or other sources.
"Is your child going to feel comfortable coming to you?" Benson asked. Age-appropriate discussions, instructions to come tell their parents if they happen on pornography and parents not flipping out when their children do come to them all help keep those communication lines open.
"The world is full of filth," Benson said. "We're bound to accidentally step into it."
Many times, they are good kids. If parents can talk about it with their children, it brings it into the open, and their children aren't left to grapple with it on their own, as even accidental exposure can be startling or frightening.
Similar principles apply to husbands and wives. If a spouse is having difficulty dealing with pornography, being able to discuss it openly helps.
"It can't be overcome alone," Benson said.
Filters and computer controls
Computers keep a list of Internet browsing histories and other digital footprints that can be checked if a parent has a concern.
If there is a questionable site in the history, "don't rush to judgment," Benson said. It could have been an accident or a friend.
Also, filters can help from accidental exposure.
There are two different kinds of filters, those with black lists and white lists. Black-list filters use software to determine what's good and what's bad and blocks the negative stuff.
The white-list filters require websites to be added by an administrator to each user's account. If one of the users finds they need a site that hasn't been added, they can send an e-mail to administrator to add it.
It works for those who only go to the same few sites, Benson said.
There are other things that parents can do in their homes.
Parents need to set an example with their own media choices, including media and television, Benson said, pointing to an October 2003 general conference talk by Elder M. Russell Ballard with seven points to minimize the negative effect of media.
The others include putting computers, televisions and other electronics in a much-used room; maintaining a good relationship with children; having family councils to discuss the family's media standard; and limiting television, computer and gaming time.
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