True story: There was once a college student who apparently didn't like to take the trouble to walk from his dorm room to the community bathroom. So he'd urinate into a big plastic pop bottle, cap it and leave it on his desk until the next time nature called.
Disgusting — but instructive.
It taught his roommate two things. No. 1: There are some very odd people in this world. No. 2: Sometimes you have to learn to live with them. Literally.
As a new school year starts and college students settle into the petri dish of dormitory life, such lessons await, though rarely from such extreme behavior.
"I think the degree of the problems varies, but we expect that all of our roommates will have conflicts," said Sarah Waters, senior associate director of residence life at Bowling Green (Ohio) State University.
She pointed out that many students come to dorms having never shared a bedroom or bathroom with anyone. Even if they room with someone they've known since childhood, that friend could surprise them with annoying habits.
Being together all the time is a lot different than just hanging out for a few hours every day, observed Sarah Clark, a University of Toledo senior. During her two years of living in UT dorms, she saw close friendships crumble.
"All the best friends were not friends by the end of the year," Clark said.
Although her family home is nearby, Clark lived on the Toledo, Ohio, campus her first two years before moving to an off-campus apartment.
The dorm was a big adjustment, she said, but "I gained so much more independence by living on my own." She also gained a friend in the roommate she was matched with randomly as a freshman. "I have lived with her ever since," Clark said.
"The most difficult part for me, I guess, was the fact of having to share a room, and always being with that person. ... It's not like you can shut your door and get away from that person," she went on.
"I just had to be thrown in there and eventually it worked out. We got in our little spats, but we're still friends."
Not so for the two girls they lived with as sophomores in a suite for four. One issue led to another and eventually a blowup that required a resident adviser to step in. One of the girls ended up moving to another room.
Lesson No. 3: Don't let a minor dispute escalate into an international incident.
"Make sure that the lines of communication are open so it doesn't have to blow up at one point. If something bugs you, let them know so they'll stop that or compromise with you," Clark said.
The most common roommate gripes are universal, according to author Linda Fiore.
"The commonalities have little to do with the university or college itself, but with the realities of living in a small space with other human beings who initially are strangers," she writes in "The College Roommate from Hell: Skills and Strategies for Surviving College with a Problem Roommate" (Atlantic Publishing Group, Inc., 2009).
Here they are:
— Different sleep and study habits
— Hygiene
— Cleanliness
— Respect for others' belongings
— Overnight guests
— Substance use
— Mental-health issues
— Differences in cultural background, sexual orientation and religious beliefs
— Room temperature
— Noise levels
"It really could be anything," said Allison Coffman, project manager in the office of residence life at UT. Many young people haven't developed the skills or confidence to deal with this type of personal problem, she said, so all too frequently they stew in silence or vent to other people as their list of grievances multiplies.
One of the tools most universities give dorm residents to pick through the minefield is a roommate agreement or contract that moves conversation beyond how they're going to decorate their room and into the realm of day-to-day living. It guides them into discussions on such issues as cleanliness of the room, noise, study time, bedtime and borrowing each other's things.
Still, "We do have those random things that pop up that we have to navigate," she said, recalling a situation in which one roommate walked around naked, much to the discomfort of the other.
"If there's no compromise, then we can facilitate a move," Coffman said, but administrators prefer to have students try to work things out.
The University of Findlay (Ohio) matches dorm roommates on the basis of a housing form that students fill out, said Brian Treece, assistant dean of students and director of housing and residence life. On the form they identify interests and activities they plan to be part of, but they're also asked questions about lifestyle. Do you like your room messy or neat? Are you a morning person or a night owl?
"We have done no studies on how successful that is, but I think we do fairly well," Treece said. When the match doesn't jell, "we have a pretty easy policy for changing rooms. If everybody agrees, they submit a form and we make it happen."
Yet Findlay also wants students to try first to resolve their differences, he stressed. "We're preparing students for life after college, and sometimes you have to have those conversations. It's a good life skill."
Bowling Green State University's Waters said that a common myth among college students is that their roommate will become their BFF.
"For some folks that's the case; for others it's about having a shared experience and being able to respect each other and be able to learn from that person."
Her own experience?
As a student at Washington University in St. Louis in the early '90s, Waters and her roommate had differences but were able to resolve them.
"There might have been a few days when we didn't talk to each other, but we're still friends 18 years later."
Contact Ann Weber at aweber@theblade.com. Distributed by Scripps Howard News.