I don’t think people are making New Year’s resolutions anymore and I fear it will lead to the end of civilization as we know it.
I think this is a bigger threat than the Democrats holding on to the presidency or the Republicans taking it over — and that’s saying a lot. You hear about people making New Year’s resolutions in the newspaper but that’s because reporters are putting civic leaders on the spot. Ask around and see what real people say when you talk to them about their New Year’s resolutions.
They will say something like this: “Oh, I never make New Year’s resolutions; I just end up breaking them.”
This is a disturbing trend. Have we lost all hope of improving ourselves? Imagine how we would feel if the Republican front-runner of the week was saying, with a heavy sigh, “Yeah, you should elect me. Nothing will change. It never does, but I want to fly in that giant airplane and throw people off of it like Harrison Ford did in ‘Air Force One.’”
What if President Barack Obama said, “I learned my lesson. I promised change and hope and now everyone is making fun of me. I still think you should vote for me and I will promise to throw a Republican out the back of Air Force One at least once a month. That’s a change I could believe in.”
Someone once said or wrote, “A goal not written is only a wish.” I’ve read books where self-help gurus insist that there are two things that separate out the truly great from the mediocre. One is that winners set written goals, and the other is that they buy stuff from the guru.
So, once, when I was a reporter, I set out to find out if that was true. I phoned top executives in major companies, set up appointments and asked them about their goal-setting.
I wanted to find out if they set any type of goals or resolutions that they would consistently track and measure throughout the year. With one exception, none of them did. Their goals were internalized but not written down at all.
The exception was an executive who worked in a large, immaculate office with a glass-topped desk that had no drawers. His “work area” had no stacks of papers on it, no inbox, just six sharpened pencils carefully placed in a row. (I’m guessing he wanted to be prepared in case he had to suddenly run out the door to play miniature golf.) He dressed like he walked out of a magazine targeted at the “one percent” and he had great hair. He looked like Mitt Romney without an entourage. While I liked and admired him, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t from our planet. So, he didn’t count.
This shocking revelation, however, has not deterred me from setting New Year’s resolutions or goals. True, I look like someone who lives in a van down by the river, but for three or four days each year I feel like a winner. I’m losing weight, I’m going to bed on time, I’m doing push-ups and I’m looking toward the day my wife will let me move out of the garage and back into the house. It is a glorious time of the year.
So, just to get you in the spirit of things, here are a few of my resolutions for 2012:
• I’m going to try to be more sensitive to the pleas of my wife and children when they ask me to stop singing in the car. For example, if they open the doors to the car to get out while we are going down the freeway, I’ll take that as a sign I’ve gone too far.
• I’m going to stop telling people when I do acts of anonymous kindness. With the exception of sharing my stories of noble goodness with a few close friends, co-workers and delivery people, I’ll keep such things to myself. Getting credit for good deeds is not what I’m all about.
• I’m going to learn how to eat spaghetti without getting it on the back of my head or on the clothes of people sitting nearby.
• I’m going to join a health club and try to find a really dedicated trainer to do my workouts for me.
• I’m going to stop frightening strangers on elevators by talking about my socks or how not every disease is contagious.
Dec. 31 is a day like no other. It’s a day when you can imagine a better world. You can envision your buff self running down the beach in slow motion in a Bowflex infomercial. And need I remind you that if you are making weight-loss resolutions, as I always do, it means you can eat all the fun food you want on this day and this day only. It’s like heaven.
You may say I’m living in la-la land, believing that next year will be different. You may accuse me of just trying to avoid the harsh realities of life. Well, I’m not the only one. There is strong evidence that Congress is already avoiding reality and has been for some time. Most, if not all of the presidential candidates, and many of their supporters have left reality behind long ago. If John Lennon were still around, he might have written:
Imagine there’s no reality.
It isn’t hard if you try,
No Newt Gingrich,
Just the Jazz and apple pie
Imagine all the people, really living for three days
You may say I’m a dreamer,
But I’m not the only one.
I resolve to be better,
And eat carrots 'til the day is done.
OK, one more resolution. I resolve to no longer try to be John Lennon. I don’t want you to throw me out of a moving car or drop me from an airplane.
Steve Eaton lives and works in Logan, Utah. He lives in a van down by the river there. He can be reached at Eatonnews@gmail.com.