As I entered the elevator to leave the doctor’s office, I saw a familiar face approaching. I read his name from the tag on his shirt, and he recognized me at the same time. It was an old teammate from my college track days.
He’s a health professional now, but he used to be the funny man on our team. He walked with me out to my car while we caught up on how many kids we each have. Suddenly I recalled an occasion when he taught me something about setting goals.
Here’s what happened (and if you were on the team back then, you’ll remember this, and know exactly who I’m talking about):
It was cross-country season, and our team was scheduled to meet with the sports psychologist about setting goals. Attendance was not optional.
We all nodded compliantly when the sport psychologist told us that our goals needed to be “obtainable.” She handed us pencils to write down some of our personal goals for the season.
After a while she asked if anyone would share. “Funny-guy,” who was also a good runner, raised his hand. “My goal is to win Conference this year.”
The psychologist reminded him that he couldn’t control how fast the other guys in the conference would run. She added, “If you don’t reach this goal, you will feel like you failed. You need a goal you can reach.”
Funny-guy was no longer nodding and complying. “No. My goal is to win Conference. That has been my goal all year, and it’s possible,” he stated stubbornly.
She countered authoritatively, “That can’t be your goal! You can’t control it, and you will need to set a different goal for this exercise.” She was clearly exasperated that he wasn’t following her rules.
For the next several minutes they argued, vehemently, about what his goals should be. As the conversation heated up, the rest of us smiled nervously at each other, slightly entertained that they were both taking it so seriously.
The sports psychologist wouldn’t budge. She had, undoubtedly, dealt with student-athletes who felt discouraged when they didn’t reach their lofty expectations.
But Funny-guy wasn’t giving in either, and though he wasn’t being mean, he was not in a funny mood. It ended when he stood abruptly and said, “Look, my goal is to win conference. Period. And yes, I will be disappointed if I don’t reach my goal, but that’s OK. That’s my goal.”
With that, the sports psychologist threw her hands in the air. She was mad, but Funny-guy was dead serious. Some of us were giggling quietly, but we quickly wrote down “obtainable” goals.
When I reminded him of the incident, he laughed, and said he felt badly now that he gave her such a hard time. Funny-guy is also a nice guy. But I thought about it my whole drive home.
Goals are our own. Nobody else can make them for us. They have to be personal, or they aren’t effective. And my theory is that if you always stick with “obtainable” goals, you may just be disappointed later that you didn’t really go for it. I don’t think it matters as much what the goal is, as how it motivates us on a daily basis.
As you set goals for 2015, determine what you really want, then make those goals your own. You may occasionally be disappointed if you don’t reach one, but you’ll find joy in the challenge, and in the new heights to which your goals bring you. Obtainable, shmobtainable!
Denise Neish is a mother of four who lives, runs and writes in Highland.