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Doug's Take: 'Jupiter Ascending' features a fuzzy plot

'Jupiter Ascending,' rated PG-13, 2 1/2 stars

The next time you see a young woman performing janitorial duties, you might want to show a little respect. She could be the rightful heir of the earth.

Mila Kunis stars as the lovely Jupiter Jones, who is clueless of her status. She wakes up each morning proclaiming she hates her life, then goes to work scrubbing toilets.

Turns out, a hit has been put out on her because of a galactic spat going on between the siblings of alien royalty, the dynasty of the House of Abrasax, consisting of Balem (Eddie Redmayne), little brother Titus (Douglas Booth) and their sister, Kalique (Tuppence Middleton). Their mom has died and all want the planet earth.

So, why all the fuss over our little planet when these spoiled brats have all of creation to distract them? It seems earth is especially prized, because it was “seeded” by their family. Yes, it appears we humans are the hottest crop in the universe coveted for a youth-preserving extract that can be drawn from us when we are harvested and processed.

It’s nice to know humankind really does have purpose, isn’t it?

This review would run into next week if I tried to fill in all the details — some of which are still a little fuzzy. (Well, OK … some are really fuzzy.) But the bottom line is this: Little Jupiter ends up bouncing around the universe in dire peril, slowly grasping her significance in the fray and only survives because of a genetic splice, an engineered ex-military hunter who carries not only human but canine DNA. Hey, what girl doesn’t want a guy/wolf watching out for her?

Channing Tatum stars as our dog-boy anti-hero, and of course we have a little puppy love popping up between these two. Who saw that coming?

How will it all work out? Who will end up owning earth? Will humans, who are deemed to just about be ripe, be harvested? Will the alien elite stay forever youthful? Will the DNA-crossed lovers find happiness in a galactic suburb?

A mere $10 for your ticket will provide the answers … kind of.

“Jupiter Ascending” is overblown, disjointed and leaves you not with thoughtful, probing confusion like “Interstellar,” but genuine, hollow confusion.

Still, some of it was fun.