A lighthearted look at news of the day:
I’m looking forward to the first time President Donald Trump tries to fire Vladimir Putin.
Trump announced last week that he is running for president. He may drop out when he learns he can’t claim his hair as his running mate.
Having Trump as president would be like having had John D. Rockefeller or J.P. Morgan as president in the late 19th century. This shows how far we’ve fallen. Back then, rich people just tried to buy presidents. They knew better than to waste money trying to become one.
In Toronto, former Mayor Rob Ford praised Trump, saying he is a good candidate. Ford said he understood Trump because he has been in his shoes. It was probably near the end of a party, when a lot of people were confused about whose shoes were whose.
Utah politicians continue to wrangle over where to move the state prison. Ironically, after all the abuse they’ve taken at public hearings, members of the Prison Relocation Commission may need to retire to a padded cell to work things out.
Gov. Gary Herbert stepped into the fray last week by suggesting that maybe the prison should remain in Draper, a subtle move calculated to make him the nation’s first governor ever re-elected by a unanimous vote.
Rachel Dolezal resigned her post as president of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP last week because she had chosen to identify herself as part black, even though this isn’t literally true. No word yet on whether the black man she had claimed to be her father has chosen to identify her as his daughter.
Writing in her defense, Kareem Abdul Jabbar joked that he’s really 5-foot-8. Well, of course. He always played on television, and the camera always adds about a foot and a half.
Greek officials are in trouble with the European Union again after reportedly betting their nation’s entire GDP on the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Remember the days when if a baseball team signed a hack, it meant they got someone who swung at every pitch? Now it seems the Houston Astros may be hiring Ed Snowden soon as an assistant coach in charge of intercepting hacks from the St. Louis Cardinals. And the sad thing is that sentence makes perfect sense.
The FBI announced last week it was investigating whether the Cardinals hacked into the Astros’ computers and stole scouting reports, among other things. Apparently, stealing signs from second base has become so last century.