James Harrison understands the value of hard work, maybe better than most people.
But his decision to return trophies that his sons received for participating in a youth sports league because they didn’t “earn” them is, at best, pointless.
The Pittsburgh Steelers’ linebacker is one of my favorite success stories because of his grit and determination. He was a walk-on at Kent State where he eventually enjoyed so much success he earned all-conference honors. Despite an impressive senior season, he went undrafted out of college.
He signed with the Baltimore Ravens in late 2003 and was cut – several times. He earned a spot on Pittsburgh’s roster in 2004 and was a Pro Bowler three years later. In 2008, he was the Associated Press' Defensive Player of the Year.
His life is an illustration of how hard work can change what’s possible. He transformed himself through relentless effort.
And like any parent, I’m sure he hopes to teach lessons to his children that he’s learned through disappointment, failure and struggle. The problem is that taking a participation trophy from a child in an effort to show awards have to be earned not only doesn’t teach that lesson, it unintentionally punishes the child for something over which they have no control.
Harrison posted a picture of the offending trophies on Instagram on Saturday along with an explanation of why he was returning them:
"I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I'm sorry I'm not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I'm not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best...cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues"
There are a number of points on which I disagree with Harrison. First of all, his children are young (6 and 8 years old), and have no control over what is or isn’t given to them. Different children have different reactions to participation trophies. Some children are very proud to receive a trophy alongside everyone else, while others see the fact that everyone gets them as a reason it’s not special or valuable.
These trophies have prompted discussions with my children and my nephews and their perceptions and feelings about receiving an “award” for their efforts that sports season. Let’s just say the way the trophies are perceived are as varied as the children to whom they’re given.
I understand what motivates Harrison. I just don’t believe taking the trophies accomplishes the goal.
As any parent knows, one of the most difficult concepts to help a child understand is that of the value of hard work. It’s denying oneself immediate gratification for long-term, sometimes difficult to comprehend benefits. It’s giving up the comfortable and easy for the uncomfortable and sometimes frustratingly difficult. It is believing in yourself when no one else does. It’s working even when a reward may not be offered or given.
Why turn off the video games and go outside to practice when the reward for practice may not come for weeks, months or years? Why get up early to go to the gym? Why practice free throws when your friends are goofing off? Why run as fast as you can during team conditioning when it hurts?
Why do more than is required? What exactly is your best? And what is success?
The children who collect these participation trophies are not to blame for the decision by adults to honor every kid who shows up to a competition. Instead of taking them away, talk to the children about what the trophies are and that it’s like the team jersey – given because you paid money and signed up. Discuss the difference between awards given for specific achievement and awards offered for showing up.
This is an opportunity to talk about what you value, how you define success and what they do that makes you proud.
No need to sacrifice their childhood awards to make a political point. We may be a society that is too entitled and too fragile. But the way to change that is not by pointing out how your children will never accept awards you don’t feel they earned.
In fact, I argue that children do earn those annoying little awards. If parents are doing their jobs, the kids showed up for practices and participated in drills. Hopefully more days than not, they ran as fast as they could and they learned how to work with other people.
Maybe parents asked them to listen to their coach, even if they disagreed, and encouraged them to play goalie, even if they didn’t want to because that’s what the team needed. They learned to keep their gear organized and how to shake hands even if they were frustrated and mad.
They learn to respect the referee even when he misses calls because life isn’t fair and that’s OK.
One of the reasons Harrison gives for returning the trophies is because kids need to learn that even their best isn’t always going to be enough to earn success. That might be the point on which we disagree most.
Your best is all you have to offer, so it is absolutely enough. Sports are a fantastic classroom to teach life lessons. But the games are not perfect, at least not the way most of us consume them. The flaw in asking sports to teach our children life lessons is that sometimes our definitions of success (and failure) are too narrow.
Losing isn’t always failure and winning isn’t always success. Just like a scale is only one measurement of health, the scoreboard is only one measurement of success.
Life will teach those lessons to children — and adults — whether they want to learn them or not. Many of us will try to protect our children from failure, and while that is foolish, it is also futile.
They will fail. It’s unavoidable, and we cannot save them from the pain that life will certainly inflict.
But if we’re lucky, they will also learn.
They will grow.
They will be resilient.
And we can help them, starting with those grade-school sports leagues.
Some children will never earn anything but participation awards in sports. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t learn how to work hard, how to push themselves, how to cooperate and how to sacrifice. It doesn’t mean they can’t feel pride for their decision to show up and keep a commitment to their team. If they feel good about a participation trophy, it doesn’t mean they’re doomed to be entitled, whining failures, any more than winning first-place trophies means they’ve learned to be hard-working, grateful champions.
The reality is that learning to be determined is difficult because it has to do with personality and personal choice.
Participation trophies are not evil. They’re probably a waste of money and a quickly forgotten token of allegedly non-competitive leagues.
But they’re not turning anybody into ungrateful loafers either.
Honoring every child is a well-intentioned effort to make sure even the most unathletic among us feel proud and included. It’s also aimed at giving children enough success that they might consider sticking with something that’s difficult or discouraging.
It may not always work, but it’s not damaging or sinister, either.
If children believe they deserve things they don’t earn, that has to do with something much more complicated than a plastic trophy.
In fact, it would be a relief if handing out fewer trophies would lead to harder working youngsters.
Twitter: adonsports EMAIL: adonaldson@deseretnews.com