When my second child was born, I realized that the only thing harder than getting out the door with a toddler is getting out the door with a toddler and a baby. It was really starting to wear on me, especially the frustration I felt when my 2½-year-old son, Kayden, chose to completely ignore me as we were getting ready in the morning.
Every time I asked him to do something, he had something else in mind. His disobedience would result in multiple trips to timeout, causing tantrums right and left. All of this, of course, slowed us down.
When I expressed to my husband how frustrated I felt with Kayden’s slow pace and apparent disobedience, he suggested that I just stop talking, stop moving and watch like a fly on the wall. In the moment when annoyance usually begins, I could just watch my son and see what he’s doing.
This simple action has completely changed my mothering and has brought me so much joy. In the moments that used to make my blood boil, a smile usually creeps onto my face.
I can’t believe I used to miss all of these sweet and comical scenes. When Kayden is ignoring my instructions to pull up his pants, it’s often because he is pretending to be a robot. Sometimes when he doesn’t want to move out of the way so I can close the door, it’s because he’s focusing so hard on taking off his shoes. When I stop trying to rush him to say what he wants to say, I often find that he just wants to say something hilarious like, “Thanks, sweetie.”
I used to get upset when, after I would tell him we could read two bedtime stories, he would start counting on his fingers. (I just knew he was going to insist on four or five.) But really, he was just counting his fingers for fun, and after about 30 seconds of doing that, he was ready to hear his two stories.
All this time, I’ve been sending him to timeout because I didn’t realize he was using his darling imagination and being a child. I just never stopped to see things from his perspective.
I think it’s a major bridge we have to build, to cross over from our adult world where everything is run by time to a child’s world where there is no such thing as time.
And, you know, it’s amazing how everything works out even when I give Kayden the time he needs. Sometimes we’re a few minutes late for storytime at the library, or he goes to bed a half hour later than usual. But that is a small cost for the prize of not only allowing but witnessing these beautiful, comical and often insightful moments. I will always be grateful to my husband who taught me such a simple but profound lesson in parenting.
Question: When are some moments in your daily life that you can slow down and just observe? How do you think placing more value in these moments will change your outlook on life?
Challenge: The next time you are feeling frustrated with your slow-moving toddler, just stop and watch.
This article is courtesy of Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers.