I need to face it: My kids are going to grow up. And that’s already happening much faster than I feel good about.
That must be why I latch on with all my heart to ideas I hear or come up with that will help me cherish the moment while they’re young. Some of them I’m good at; some of them I want desperately to be good at. But for what it’s worth, these are ideas that have helped me soak in my “babies” for as long as they’ll let me.
1. Movie night
Some friends introduced us to this one. My husband, Dave, and I try our best to schedule our dates and other social stuff on Saturday so we can be home with the kids on Friday because Friday night is sacred. Friday night is “Movie Night.” We pop popcorn, make chocolate chip cookies and watch a movie. Sometimes it’s an amazing movie we’re all spellbound by; sometimes it turns out to be a dumb show we thought we’d try. But none of that really matters so much. What matters is that we’re together. And we all love it. Inevitably there will be a time in the future when our kids won’t think it’s so cool to stay home with their parents on a Friday night to watch a movie, but for now, we’re superstars to them and we’re eating it up while we can.
This is something I’m not good at, but I sure want to be. My dad started this tradition when we were little. He’d corner us (usually in the bathroom, since that was the most quiet place he could find with nine kids running around) and have a little interview with us once a week. He’d ask all kinds of questions and help us figure out our goals. When we were really little he’d write the initial of our best talents on each of our 10 fingertips (I was “good” at art so he’d write a little “A” for art with a ballpoint pen on my thumb, and so on). Even when we grew up and moved away, he’d still call us for our interviews. Since I was the second girl the second Sunday was always mine. He’d call and just give me my traditional “interview” over the phone.
3. Lunch dates
Soon my children will be in junior high, then filling out college applications before I know it. But this is elementary school for crying out loud, so I let my kids miss some of it sometimes. I take them out to long lunches one by one once a month. It’s the only time I could figure out to have more one-on-one time together. Yes, my two youngest tag along, and yes, sometimes they upset the good people who thought Wendy's would be a nice quiet break from their work day and don’t want to be hampered by two kids throwing French fries around in the air. But that child I took out of school still knows that it’s their special day, and their eyes sparkle with the excitement of getting to order whatever they want and having me just concentrate on them. I love that even my oldest still begs for it to be “his” day.
This year I’m trying to have a little “interview” with each child while we’re at lunch. I go through what my parents call the “5 Facets” with them: How are they doing 1) spiritually, 2) physically, 3) mentally, 4) emotionally, and 5) socially. We make monthly goals of how they can do better in each of these categories. Ideally I schedule these things in on my calendar so I can help them (though I'm not very good at that yet). But I love connecting with my children. I love telling them I love them over our “gourmet” food.
4. Mother’s Day letters
Being the fanatic that I am about record keeping, I love to write letters to my kids. I want them to have a record of how much I adore every little thing they do. When I only had two young children, I was great at it and I’d write to them all the time. But then it got harder and harder to set aside time to do it. So a few years ago I decided I’d ask for a couple hours alone in my room each Mother’s Day so I could write a special love note to each of my kids. I love knowing that I have those compiled for them. I want them to forever remember how much I love them at every stage and what I’ve noticed about them each year.
5. “Happies” & “Sads”
Each night at dinner the kids tell us what their “happies” and “sads” were from the day. My very social daughter inevitably says that she was happy a friend could come over and she was sad when that said friend had to leave. But most of the time it leads to good discussions and helps the kids tell us what really happened during the day instead of just saying it was “fine” or “good” … or “bad.” I like to hear the details and this is a good way to squeeze them out.
6. Late nights
We were really good at this last year but not so hot at it this year. It's something that works better when your kids all go to bed around the same time, and our kids are more staggered at bedtime as they are getting older. But this is something we loved to do when they were younger. “Late Nights” are when the kids get to rotate each getting a turn once a week to stay up 10 or 15 minutes later than the others. They eat this up. It’s such a short amount of time, but they think it’s the luckiest thing ever when it’s their turn and we love to give them some undivided one-on-one attention.
7. “Clean 10”
This really doesn’t have much to do with cherishing the moment with kids, but it sure makes things less chaotic when it happens and then you can cherish the good stuff and “be still” more often. Whenever things get really cluttery (like on Saturday afternoons, between when the kids get home from school and dinner, Sunday afternoons — OK, pretty much a few times a day) we just say, “Clean 10” and the kids have to each pick up and put away 10 things. I love it because they just know to do that. Not only does it help to get the house clean quick, it helps the kids know where everything really goes so they can be better at putting things away in the first place.
These are a few ideas from my motherhood tradition “collection” from this past year. These ideas have helped me to treasure motherhood, and I hope they’ve helped me children to know just how loved they really are.
Question: What traditions work for you and your family?
Challenge: Choose a new tradition for your family from the list, and start today!
This article is courtesy of Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers.