BYU's 2017 football season is dead. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
Sure, there are eight more games, but the season is over. Everybody on Twitter says so, although it's funny how many of those profiles have big red U's or USU logos. Never mind that BYU could get back to a bowl game or even pull an upset against Boise State or Mississippi State. It's over. Done. Game over. The Cougars' season is done a few months early. There's nothing anybody can do to bring it back. They have nothing to play for because they're not in the Mountain West.
That's what social media says, and that's never wrong.
Some will talk about BYU's coaching staff or injury woes or the simple fact that this team is pretty young and inexperienced. The real reasons for the premature demise go much deeper. So much deeper that almost nobody is talking about them.
Here are some candidates for what killed BYU's 2017 season:
The USU quarterback injury curse
Something about this series in recent years seems to bring out the worst in QB health. Taysom Hill's season ended three times against the Aggies. Hill probably has less of a chance of getting injured in the NFL now that there's no chance he'll play Utah State again.
Beau Hoge was the latest victim as he went down on Friday. Even Utah State quarterbacks aren't immune to this curse as Chuckie Keeton was lost for the season back in 2013.
If this keeps up, both teams will either have to wrap their QBs in bubble wrap or start putting in their backups first to appease whatever malevolence is causing these horrific injuries.
Independence
Yep. Football independence is ruining everything. Absolutely everything. If BYU was in a conference, the mysterious aura of the Mountain West would have stopped Hoge from getting injured. The small chance of going to a New Year's Six bowl game would have powered the Cougars past LSU! There's no way BYU would have been beaten so soundly by Wisconsin if they were in a conference. Even Kyle Whittingham and Utah would have to bow before BYU if they were just back in the Mountain West.
Oh, and BYU would have played, at most, only one or two from the Power 5 in the Mountain West instead of the four they play this year. Can't lose to them if you don't play them, right?
Never mind that the Cougars would take a huge pay cut. Or that they would be tied up on obscure TV networks. Or that they would be giving up a lot of games against big-name opponents. Ignore all that. If BYU athletic director Tom Holmoe would just announce that BYU was going back to the Mountain West, Boise State would probably forfeit on Friday, and Mississippi State would beg for mercy.
Can't wait to get my Mountain West sticker to put on my car.
Caffeine
Is it really a coincidence that BYU took such a deep dive after it was announced that caffeinated beverages were going to be sold on campus? Clearly, BYU just couldn't handle the caffeine. After all, nobody at BYU could drink Coke or Pepsi or Mountain Dew if it wasn't on campus. So, it must have been caffeine shock for these student-athletes who had never seen let alone tasted the stuff before.
Or maybe it wasn't getting enough caffeine quick enough. Perhaps the team should all have their favorite caffeinated beverages instead of Gatorade on the sideline, never mind what carbonation does to you during a game. Caffeine is the stuff that will take BYU football back to the ’80s and ’90s and make them into a powerhouse again!
Not enough missionaries
As every head coach who plays BYU knows, the Cougars can only win because they have grown men with five kids that have all been on LDS Church missions. Those mission trips are such an unfair advantage, yet somehow top head coaches like Nick Saban at Alabama don't seem to know how to take advantage of them.
Well, the answer is simple. The Cougars need to make missions mandatory for all players. Oh, and they probably need to be longer. If two years away from football in a developing nation is such an unfair advantage, imagine what four years would do. Or six. There's no way that players would have trouble coming back to football after being away from the game for so long.
Conclusion
Clearly, the culprit to what killed BYU's season is somewhere above. Again, there's no way that it's inexperience. Or that injures actually do matter when you want to win a game. Or that losing a couple of senior stars on offense to the NFL made a big difference. Nope. It's got to be the caffeine.
Well, on to 2018!