Alan Andrus has always been a BYU fan, but his son Roman left BYU for Snow College then Utah State, where the Aggies gave him an opportunity the Cougars could not — a chance to start.
A native of Provo, Roman grew up a BYU fan and attended BYU camps. His father met his mother at BYU in grad school. His grandfather and great-grandfather both taught at BYU and his uncle Steve and aunt Nancy both played basketball for the Cougars in the late '80s.
Sitake got to see Roman play briefly for a week during spring ball after he was hired, right before Roman broke his finger and his opportunity to show his wares was over.
Before last week's game against Utah State, Sitake came up to Roman and complimented him on his play for the Aggies and said he shouldn't have let him go. "His validating words meant as much to my son, a former BYU walk-on who'd been buried on the depth chart, as much as the win," Alan said. "It is something my son and our family will never forget."
Neither will they forget what happened after the game.
In his words, this is what the father shared with me this week:
"I know Cougar fans are hurting and I know many people may be down on Coach Sitake right now, but I have to share with you one of the most stunning examples of sportsmanship, of selfless and giving behavior I have ever witnessed in sports. It also evidences why I believe Kalani will be a hugely successful coach at BYU.
Friday night after BYU's 40-24 loss to Utah State, I was standing nearby when Kalani concluded his post-game radio show. Immediately after taking off his headset he came directly over to two of his ex-players, Quin Ficklin, and my son, Roman Andrus. Both left the BYU program and now play O-Line for the Aggies. Of note, my son had Kalani as his coach only for spring ball of 2016.
At best, most coaches, after such an unexpected and painful defeat, might have given the young men an obligatory 'Good job, and congratulations.' After losing a game everyone expected his team to win, suffering through a four-game losing streak, and in the immediate aftermath of a major career disappointment, how might a man be expected to feel and act?
As I witnessed, Kalani Sitake is not most men. He came up to both ex-Cougars, now Aggies, and hugging each of them individually, told them he loved them and was proud of them. I don't know what else he said to Quin, but he proceeded to praise and encourage Roman in a way which brought tears to both their eyes and moved all of us within earshot. Some people might have said some of the words Kalani said, but the way he expressed what he felt about two players who were now 'the enemy' so obviously came from his heart, from a place of feeling that most of us either can't or won't open up and let flow to others — to those of us who witnessed it, was unforgettable. He gives of what is deep inside him — and he gives in good times and in bad. With Kalani there was, and is, a deep and genuine connection that goes beyond a coach-player relationship.
After Kalani left we were stunned at the realization of what we had seen: he had chosen to give a deep expression of love to two ex-players, who had contributed to his pain in the very moment of that pain. I felt I had seen greatness. A greatness of spirit. Cougar or Ute or Aggie, I believe he represents the best of us.
Those of us who were there marveled that a coach, after his most disappointing month of coaching, after undoubtedly one of his most discouraging losses, a man who had to be filled with so much pain, anger and frustration at falling short; in that moment he gave freely of himself.
I have heard some demean this side of Kalani as being some kind of Miss Congeniality trait as if it is a negative characteristic — they are missing the point. From a pure football perspective, his genuine, real, heartfelt connection to people is why he is and will continue to be a phenomenal recruiter and why players will want to run through walls for him. When fans hear Kalani is a great recruiter, that doesn't mean he has the charisma of a Pitino or Calipari or Saban, it means that when one encounters Kalani they know that he genuinely, truly loves people and wants what is best for them. It is what recruits' mothers and fathers in living rooms sense in him and why they want their child to play for him. You cannot fake what he has. I realize there is much more to the coaching skill-set than recruiting and player-coach relationships, but Kalani in those two areas, because of who he is as a person, is not just outstanding, but off-the-charts amazing.
There is football and there is life. Kalani Sitake is a champion in both. He is a winner in life, and because of who he is I have no doubt he will succeed as a coach. The character and, there is no other way to say this, the pure goodness I witnessed from Kalani, at a time many of us would have been at our worst, is a testament to the character of a man who Cougar fans should not only count as fortunate to have as their coach, but one who is an example to all of us of how a life should be lived."