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Jay's Jokes: How the White House is fixing its leaks, and what Trump really meant to say to North Korea

3rd Congressional District Republican candidates John Curtis, left, Tanner Ainge, and Chris Herrod gather before debating on KSL NewsRadio in Salt Lake City on Wednesday, Aug. 7, 2017.
3rd Congressional District Republican candidates John Curtis, left, Tanner Ainge, and Chris Herrod gather before debating on KSL NewsRadio in Salt Lake City on Wednesday, Aug. 7, 2017.
Laura Seitz, Deseret News

A lighthearted look at news of the day

This is the week Republican voters in Utah's 3rd Congressional District narrow the race to become the 435th most influential member of the House.

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Primary elections typically have a low turnout in Utah. That's because many voters mistakenly assume you have to be teaching little children in church to cast a ballot.

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For years, baseball fans were fond of associating a future Cubs World Series victory with Armageddon. Turns out they were only about a year off.

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It was nice of the North Koreans to give us an approximate date when the nuclear holocaust will begin. Military leaders said they will time their attack on Guam for mid-August. Let's hope they don't spoil the eclipse.

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Some people thought President Donald Trump's statement that North Korea would see "fire and fury" if it didn't back off was a little too belligerent. Actually, it gives him the perfect way out. "What I meant was, 'You're fired and I'm furious.'"

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Later, Trump said maybe those words weren't tough enough. He should have said, "You will see bigly fire and huge fury."

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The White House is being renovated for $3.4 million. Apparently, there was a swamp leak in the basement.

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Ousted White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci now wants to turn his experience into a television sitcom. Too bad his job at the White House only lasted about as long as a pilot episode.

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TMZ says the sitcom might be called "10 Days in July" or "Attack of the Swamp Monsters." It might be hard to follow the plot, however, since all the dialogue will be bleeped out.

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A better name would be "How we solved the national debt by putting a swear jar in the White House."

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Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin both were on vacation last week. One thing was clear from the photos. New economic sanctions have obviously created a shirt shortage in Russia.

Jay Evensen is the senior editorial columnist at the Deseret News. Email him at even@deseretnews.com. For more content, visit his website, jayevensen.com.