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Jay Evensen: The world's most famous material girl can now get discounts, even if she doesn't need them

A lighthearted look at news of the day:

In England, a woman called the fire department to rescue her parrot, which had escaped and was on a nearby roof. She told the firefighter who climbed a ladder to say, “I love you” to the parrot to put it at ease. He did so. The parrot, in turn, unleashed a string of profanity. Turns out the bird learned to tweet from Twitter.

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Madonna turned 60 last week. She’s still a material girl, but at least now she can get senior discounts.

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Things have changed for Madonna. Instead of Desperately Seeking Susan, she’s now desperately seeking her reading glasses.

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Former White House aide Omarosa Manigault Newman has written a book titled “Unhinged.” And no, it isn’t about how to repair the doors in that fixer-upper you’re thinking of buying.

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“Unhinged” is a tell-all book about the Trump White House. When she was fired last December, Omarosa had to be dragged from the White House while shouting vulgarities, according to news reports at the time. The president, meanwhile, reacted to allegations she has embarrassing recordings of him by tweeting that she is a “dog” and a “crazed, crying lowlife.” Think of the book’s title as just a general, catchall description.

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At a recent hacking conference in Las Vegas, an 11-year-old needed only 10 minutes to break into a replica of Florida’s election website and change the results of a mock election. An official with Florida’s government emphatically denied it was possible to do this in real life. “Absolutely nyet!” he said.

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I’m not smart enough to know who is right, but don’t be surprised in November when Florida’s new governor is Gov. McGovernor-Face, whose platform includes giving free ice cream to all 11-year-olds.

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Why is it always Florida? Somewhere, Al Gore is cradling his collection of hanging chads and crying.

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NASA has launched a probe that will head toward the sun. To keep from having the thing burn up, the journey will take place entirely at night.