With the NFL draft set for the end of the month, college football players are being thoroughly vetted by potential NFL employers. Besides the 40-yard dash times and the weightlifting tests and the three-cone drills, they are also expected to endure job interviews.
These job interviews are probably much like those we all experience. You know, when someone asks you lots of questions to see what you are like, such as this one: “If you had to murder someone, would you use a gun or a knife?”
That sort of thing.
You probably recall when the HR person across the desk from you asked, “Would you rather be a cat or a dog?”
Or maybe an HR person asked you, “Do you think your mother is attractive?”
Or this oldie but goodie: “If you could kill someone and not get caught, would you?”
These are just the kind of boring, routine questions that prospective NFL players are asked to determine if they can play football.
You probably think I made up those questions. If you did, you’re wrong. All of the above are real questions that draft prospects have been asked by NFL teams. You’re probably wondering, if they’re trying to determine if they can play football why don’t they ask them about, you know, football? Apparently, they’re also trying to judge personality and intelligence — sort of like the Miss Congeniality portion of the Miss America pageant.
Many of these silly questions have been turning up on the internet for years. Texas cornerback Kris Boyd told reporter Jeff Legwold that he was asked this question: “Do I have both of my testicles? And I was like, yeah, I don’t know why you got to ask.”
Former NFL player Austen Lane tweeted a list of questions, among them: “I see you have dreads; you smoke weed, don’t you?”
It has been widely reported that the Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, the former NFL wide receiver, if his mother was a prostitute.
Derrius Guice was asked about his sexual orientation.
Some questions are out of bounds and should draw at least an illegal procedure penalty.
When linebacker Kevin Hardy was asked what questions he had been asked at the combine, he said, “One of them was, ‘Do you like tall women?’” Hardy continued, “I crossed out the ‘t’ and said yes.”
Just for that they made him the second overall pick of the NFL draft. You’ve got to like a linebacker who is that quick on his feet.
Fanbuzz reported that the following were among the questions draft candidates were asked:
Are you afraid of clowns? (If they meant Antonio Brown, then yes.)
Is God an Auburn fan? (If that were true, wouldn’t the Tigers at least get to the playoff?)
What is Bitcoin? (An outside linebacker.)
What is ISIS? (An inside linebacker.)
When did you lose your virginity? (It was lost but I found it, thank you.)
Boxers or briefs? (Yes.)
Quarterback Brandon Doughty reportedly was asked, “You’re on a mountain in Alaska on a bus going 100 mph. Where are you sitting on the bus?”
Another was asked this: When riding on a bus, do you sit behind the driver or on the other side of the aisle?
Pro Football Talk reported that David Njoku said that when he walked into a meeting, the head coach and scouts refused to shake his hand; instead, they glared at him for a time before asking him, “Where does the sun rise and where does the sun set?” Cornerback Eli Apple, told Pro Football Talk, “I’ve been asked a lot of weird questions. I don’t know if I could say on TV. The Falcons coach … (asked) ‘So, do you like men?’ It was the first thing he asked me. It was weird. I was just like, ‘no.’”
Per sports writer Gregg Bell: Offensive lineman Spencer Drango said one team asked him, “Would you share your internet history with us?” Drango replied, “Sure. I search a lot of food.”
Per Fox Sports, one player was asked a series of questions about color: “What color is chocolate?” “What color is melted chocolate?” “What color is butter?” “What color is melted butter?” “What color is snow?” “What color is melted snow?”
The Browns, according to First Coast News, asked a player, “How many ways could you use a brick in a minute?”
Per Ian Rapoport, one player was asked what team he picked in the video game Madden?
Columnist Mike Freeman says another player was asked, “What kind of fish are you?”
Some teams resort to methods other than silly questions to torment would-be NFL players.
Offensive lineman Dan Feeney said the Browns used a deck of cards to test his memory, showing him the cards and then flipping them over to see if he could remember them.
“You expect to go in there and talk about your offense, or learn their offense, and here’s a guy with a deck of cards and you’re like, ‘Hey man are we playing blackjack or something?’ It’s definitely something different,” Feeney told Cleveland.com
Cornerback Lonnie Johnson said the Seahawks engaged him in a staring contest that lasted 15-16 seconds. (Johnson said he won.)
Offensive lineman Nate Davis reported, “I went in for a meeting and for a handshake — how you doing? — and he (the team official) punched me in the chest. He was like “you have a soft chest.”
And finally, ESPN reported that a player was asked, “What do you call a bad day?”
Having to answer these questions.