clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

34 of the best Lemony Snicket quotes

Patrick Warburton narrated a trailer for A Series of Unfortunate Events.
FILE - Patrick Warburton narrated a trailer for A Series of Unfortunate Events.
YouTube screenshot

In celebration of the February 28th birthday of author Daniel Handler — perhaps better known to the world as the writer behind the character of Lemony Snicket and the “Series of Unfortunate Events” books — here are 34 of the best quotes from some of his works:

“All nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day” — ”The Slippery Slope”

“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice cream sandwiches.” — “Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid”

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.” — ”The Slippery Slope”

“Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.” — “When Did You See Her Last?”

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”

”Do the scary thing first, and get scared later.” — “When Did You See Her Last?”

“Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean that it’s nonsense.” — ”The Slippery Slope”

“When things don’t go right, go left”

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.” — “The Wide Window”

“In my experience, Well-read people are less likely to be evil.” — ”The Slippery Slope”

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” — “Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid”

“Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.” — “Who Could That Be at This Hour?”

“All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found”

“What might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.” — “A Series of Unfortunate Events” movie

“Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.” — “The Austere Academy”

“If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.” — ”The Slippery Slope”

“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something” — “Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid”

“There’s nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as the nonsense is yours.” — “Who Could That Be At This Hour?”

“Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.” — “The Lump of Coal”

“When trouble strikes, head to the library. You will either be able to solve the problem, or simply have something to read as the world crashes down around you.”

“Sometimes the things you’ve lost can be found again in unexpected places.” — “The End”

“Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.” — “The Blank Book”

”If we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives. Let’s go.” — ”The Ersatz Elevator”

“Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.” — “The Wide Window”

“You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can’t invent more time.” — “The Wide Window”

“People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter — it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.”

“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.” — “The Grim Grotto”

“It is one of life’s bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.” — “The Grim Grotto”

”Just because something is typed — whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book — this does not mean it is true.” — “The Wide Window”

”One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them.” — “When Did You See Her Last?”

”Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.” — “The Wide Window”

“To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left.” — “The Blank Book”

“Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness.”

”Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.” — “When Did You See Her Last?”

“A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.” — “The Blank Book”