SALT LAKE CITY — For all of the internet’s pandering, dehumanizing, click-hungry normalcy these days, it can still be a really weird and fun place.
In that spirit, here are nine wonderfully strange things I saw online in 2019. Some of it is funny, some of it is alarming. Ultimately, though, these nine things reaffirmed my faith in the internet’s capacity for delightful weirdness.
The MyPillow guy, looking so very cold
Imagine sitting in your warm, cozy home during a cold winter night. You look out your window and see a man standing outside your window. The man is completely still, clutching a pillow and wearing only a blue dress shirt and black slacks. Who is he? Is he OK? And is he, gasp, looking right at you?
A Minnesota resident experienced the scare last February and called the police. When police showed up to check on the man, they realized it was a cardboard cutout of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.
If you’re cold, he’s cold. Bring him inside!
How Many Big Macs is My Baby?
Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest. Ever wonder how many Big Macs you weigh?
howmanybigmacsismybaby.com converts any weight into the corresponding number of Big Macs that also weigh that amount. Where do babies come in? Users can show many Big Macs a baby weighs at various stages of pregnancy. A 20-week-old fetus, for example, weighs approximately one Big Mac. Now you know.
‘Abbey Road’ but it’s just bass
If you need to get Imagine Dragons out of your head, this’ll help. Someone posted the entire Beatles album “Abbey Road” on YouTube, but removed everything except Paul McCartney’s bass track. With McCartney’s unmatched talents as a songwriter, it’s easy to forget that wow, he can really, really play that bass guitar. These “Abbey Road” bass lines are a thing of beauty — the sound of a true songwriting craftsman at the top of his game, upending notions of what bass guitar in pop music could sound like. (This video was posted in 2018, but I saw it this year, and “Abbey Road” recently turned 50. I’m letting it slide.)
The world’s greatest wedding video editor
Wedding videos are, generally, not that exciting. Why not spruce them up a little?
Case in point: this wedding video.
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: Weddings need more Muppets.
The subtle shade on Marie Osmond’s Wikipedia page
While prepping for an interview with Marie Osmond this past summer, I browsed her Wikipedia page. And I must say, whoever wrote it is not doing her any favors.
Every few paragraphs, there’s some subtle, underhanded jab at the entertainer. In the “Dancing with the Stars” section, for example: “Osmond came in third place on the fifth season of ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ She fainted after her performance in the fifth week, stating, ‘I forgot to breathe.’ Donny would go on to win the ninth season.”
Donny, did you write these? Be honest.
This important Imagine Dragons realization
The best writers capture things we’ve always felt, but could never quite find words for.
Chris Richards, a music critic for the Washington Post, did that for me this year. When writing about Imagine Dragons’ halftime performance at the national college football championship last January, Richards wrote, “For 10 difficult minutes, the band played almost all of the songs you forgot you had ever forgotten. There was that one that goes, ‘Thunder, thunder, thun-thunder’ (‘Thunder’). And the one that goes, ‘Believer, believer!’ (‘Believer’). Alas, it didn’t play the one that goes, ‘Radioactive! Radioactive!’ (I forget what it’s called.)”
Making fun of Utah’s biggest band is an activity I cherish. And yet, somehow, I never realized all their choruses are simply the song’s title repeated over and over. Thanks, Chris.
Vox’s ‘Earworm’ videos
Since last year, Vox has been releasing “Earworm,” a video essay series on popular music. They’re a must-watch. My personal fave is this 11-minute explainer on Stevie Wonder’s “Sir Duke.” Thanks to stellar graphics, narration and audio editing, the series explains musically complex ideas in a way that any novice can enjoy. The “Sir Duke” episode also introduced me to musician Jacob Collier, whose album “Djesse Vol. 2” has been one of my favorites of 2019.
‘When the Amish Go on Vacation’
Photographer Dina Litovsky followed Amish and Mennonite families to Sarasota, Florida, where they vacation every winter for weeks or even months. Litovsky’s photos are captivating: Amish and Mennonite teens, clad in bonnets and flip flops, licking ice cream cones; smiling old women riding tricycles; younger women in ankle-length pink dresses wadding into coastal waters. There’s something beautifully therapeutic about these images.
The world’s most morbid meet-cute
Writer @sixthformpoet shared a 10-tweet true story that begins at his father’s gravestone and ends somewhere you’d never expect. This story has more twists and turns than the world’s best rom-com. I don’t want to give away too much, though. Just read it.