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Jay Evensen: A recent discovery reveals the biggest flaw with Apple watches

Two Apple watches recently were recovered from the bottom of a lake in Connecticut, and both were still in perfect working order.
Two Apple watches recently were recovered from the bottom of a lake in Connecticut, and both were still in perfect working order.

A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

Primary Election Day is Tuesday. This is important. It’s the one time when Russia can have a say over who your mayor and city council members will be.

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Actually, Russians are probably about as interested in this as Americans, which is to say, not much. A lot of voters lost interest when they discovered Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi aren’t on the ballot.

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Local governments only do things like maintain your streets, pick up your garbage and provide you with police and fire protection. It’s hard to even make up insults about stuff like that, so what’s the point?

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Two Apple watches recently were recovered from the bottom of a lake in Connecticut, and both were still in perfect working order. This comes not too long after a surfer in California found an Apple watch he had lost in the ocean six months earlier. The lesson here? Apple needs to get better watch bands.

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Those stories are remarkable, though. The Apple watch appears to survive much longer than governors in Puerto Rico.

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No sooner had Wanda Vázquez been sworn in as Puerto Rico’s third governor in a week than her party began plotting ways to turn the job over to Jenniffer González, who speaks for the island in Congress. This is a good strategy for ending corruption. Keep changing governors every couple of days and they can’t get into much mischief. It’s tough on the new-governor orientation committee, however.

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Researchers in Japan have demonstrated that cats truly do recognize their own names, to the point where they can distinguish them from similar-sounding names given to other cats. Whether they respond to you, however, may depend on what kinds of treats you offer. They supposedly learned this behavior from one old cat who hung around Washington watching members of Congress responding to lobbyists.

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The U.N. last week released a report that, among other things, names cows and the methane they, uh, produce, as contributors to global warming. The simple solution to this is to get farmers to put Rolaids, Maalox and Tums in their hay.

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Actually, I know some adult humans who might be warming the planet, too.