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Wait, does Nancy Pelosi want impeachment or fresh peaches?

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., meets with reporters just after the House Judiciary Committee approved guidelines for impeachment hearings on President Donald Trump, at the Capitol in Washington, Thursday, Sept. 12.
AP

A lighthearted look at the news of the day:

Scientists have discovered a planet that has water, a rocky surface and mild temperatures similar to those on Earth. The catch? It’s twice as big as Earth, meaning that its gravitational pull is stronger. Here’s a question to throw out at your next party: If Earth no longer was habitable, would you move to a planet where you would weigh twice as much, or just stay here and die?

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While you’re weighing that, the good news is the new planet is 110 light-years away. That means you would have a lot of time to work out in the spaceship’s gym before reaching your new heavy home.

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Also, your chances of gaining weight on this new planet are small. If you order an extra-thick milkshake, you’ll be worn out after lifting it for one sip.

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Of course, this also means that if any people already live on this planet, the view they’re getting of us is 110 years old. We probably should wire ahead that we’re bringing the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus and smartphones, and that we won’t be needing an extra-robust Air Force One to carry a suddenly twice-as-heavy William Howard Taft.

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Folks building Utah’s new prison near Salt Lake International Airport say cells inside will be stacked like Legos. Actually, it might be a more fitting punishment for the worst offenders if Legos were spread across the floors and their shoes were taken away.

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Acoustics must be bad at the U.S. Capitol these days. Progressive House Democrats are talking about impeachment proceedings against President Trump, but House Speaker Nancy Pelosi thinks she hears them talking about fresh peaches in the House lunchroom.

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Impeachment hearings — that’s something Americans need heading into the 2020 election season. At the very least, it would confuse the Russians who are trying to rig everything.

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Investigators now say a flight from Frankfurt to Cancun earlier this year had to make a sudden landing in Ireland because the pilot spilled coffee that was so hot it started melting the plane’s controls. Airline engineers, hard at work since this incident, now think they have devised a fix for this problem. They’re calling it a “lid.”