Furthermore, about 30% of cohabiting couples who report that they want to marry list financial concerns as a major reason why they have not yet married.

It’s good to look for solutions for financial concerns, but research suggests that moving in together isn’t the best long-term solution for a person’s finances — or relationship. In fact, living together before marriage for financial reasons is associated with higher rates of divorce for couples who eventually marry.

Many still want to get married. But the path to getting there can feel impassable.

Cohabiting couples are also less likely to find long-term happiness together. While this notion of testing the relationship may theoretically make sense, research has consistently shown that, for a number of reasons, couples who cohabit before marriage have lower marital quality, on average, and a higher risk of divorce than those who do not.

Yet a persistent belief among many today is that living together before marriage is a good test of the long-term prospects of the relationship, with about half of young adults believing that living together before marriage will increase their chances of a successful marriage (and another 38% say it doesn’t make any difference).

High school seniors are even more likely to believe that cohabitation before marriage is beneficial.

Utah’s cohabitation rate is one of the lowest in the nation — likely due to Utah’s highly religious young adult population. There are also religious and moral issues involved in the decision to cohabit.

Still, according to a recent University of Utah Gardner Policy Institute report, 1 in 16 households in Utah is headed by an unmarried cohabiting couple. That’s almost 70,000 Utah households (and 140,000 adults). And cohabitation rates are rising in Utah.

The decision to live together has a significant impact on the long-term trajectory of a relationship and one’s life as a whole. Yet, only about a third of people cohabiting reported making a careful, rational decision about moving in together; most just slid into this living arrangement rather than making an intentional decision.

So, what important questions should young adults be asking if they are considering living together with a romantic partner before marriage? And where can they get help thinking through these questions?

Many Gen Zers reflexively turn to the internet and social media for answers. Yet, when it comes to something as important as relationships and finances, online influencers might not be the best sources.

Recognizing a lack of research-based resources, we were part of a Utah Marriage Commission that developed a new research-based resource freely available to Utah residents (and to everyone else for a small cost) — an online course called “READY to Live Together.” This course about forming healthy relationships and stronger marriages was developed specifically for couples considering moving in together, but is still relevant for those already cohabiting and for anyone looking to understand the long-term implications of living together before marriage.

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The class takes up important questions such as:

• How can living together affect your relationship long-term?
• What will give you the best chance at long-term relationship success?
• If you are making this decision, what should you talk about before (and after) moving in together?
• What if children are involved? Are there risks to children with cohabitation?
• What are the financial issues associated with cohabitation?
• What are the legal implications of cohabiting?

For those considering living together (or already living together), here are three overarching questions that are especially important to be clear about together:

1. Are you talking about the risks of moving in together?

Couples who slide into living together without discussing their shared intentions are more likely to experience dissatisfaction and instability. And contrary to common expectations, living together can actually increase the constraints on a relationship, such as a shared lease or pet, that might make it harder to leave if the relationship isn’t working out quite like you expected.

More than half of respondents to the poll reported in The New York Times said they stayed longer in a doomed relationship because of a shared lease. This highlights just how important it is for couples to clarify their intentions when considering their future together.

When partners talk openly about commitment, expectations and goals, they can be better prepared to set in place a plan for long-term success in the relationship.

2. What’s your true level of commitment?

When commitment is low or unclear in any relationship, it can create confusion about what the relationship means and where it is heading. One partner might see the choice to live together as a step toward marriage, while the other views it as a temporary or convenient situation.

Mismatched expectations and asymmetrical commitment can lead to disappointment, frustration or a delayed breakup. In contrast, when couples have a clear and shared commitment to the future, they’re more likely to feel secure, supported and satisfied in their relationship.

3. Are you clear about the financial risks of moving in together ‘to save money’?

With student loans, rent and the daily cost of living rising, it may feel practical to move in together to save money. From that vantage point, living together may seem to offer financial help in sharing rent, utilities, groceries, etc.

But here’s the catch: Moving in together only or primarily to cut costs carries substantial hidden risks. Couples who move in for financial reasons are more likely to face risks later on, including greater conflict, lower relationship quality and higher odds of divorce if they eventually get married. They may also entangle themselves in each other’s financial mistakes in a way that harms their own financial situation when the relationship falls apart.

By comparison, when couples are mutually and explicitly committed to a long-term future together before deciding to live together, they minimize these risks.

As human beings, we are designed to connect and love. And healthy, strong relationships create more happiness and meaning than just about any other kind of experience. That’s why making a decision about living together deserves so much care and attention.

For you or your loved ones, do what it takes to make an informed and intentional decision about the future of any relationship along the way to a life full of connection and love.

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