Having been a single mother for many years, I became self-reliant by using a number of resources available to many of us. I suggest the following:
- Read "how-to" books from the library or bookstore. They possess a gold mine of information on home canning, gardening, basic car repair and service, furniture refinishing, sewing and many other subjects.- Ask questions of friends, family, ward members, etc. Every person has skills and knowledge to share. Just recently I learned how to sheet rock. I also can do my own electrical wiring, carpentry work, gardening, small motor repair and maintenance on my car. It's all easy stuff - all you have to do is ask somebody who knows.
- Take community education and college classes. I took night classes when I worked during the day. The tuition is often minimal and yet the classes are very helpful. I also had on-the-job training.
- Pray always, involving the Lord in your goals, triumphs, needs and frustrations. He is the best source of guidance and strength.
Don't be afraid to try new things. As you learn and grow, so will your confidence and self-esteem. Remember, knowledge is power. - Brenda S. Houston, Weaverville, Calif.
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How we did it:
Don't doubt capabilities
After more than one job change, we struggled financially and didn't know why. However, we paid tithing, served in the Church, followed counsel and educated ourselves. My husband was hired as a maintenance man for a large hospital corporation. The personnel manager's job opened a few months later and he got the job. After 2 1/2 years, he was transferred to a better job in a metropolitan area. He's now doing graduate work.
Medical word processing was in high demand in this locale, so I started working at different hospitals doing medical typing at night after our four children were alseep. I learned the business, and we started our own company. During those lonely nights working, I received strength from thinking about the trials faced by early pioneer women. Don't doubt your capabilities. - Sue Ellen Wheeler, Brandon, Fla.
Believe in yourself
If there is something we can't do for ourselves, we need not be too proud to ask for help. You and your children should try to learn from the person that is helping. That way you probably can do it yourself next time. Thank them for their help and don't treat them like it's their place to be helping you. Believe in yourself. - Ruth P. Lichfield, St. Johns, Ariz.
Heed spiritual promptings
When decisions are to be made, instead of dishing out advice to our young people, we should say, "What does the Spirit tell you?" or "What seems right to you?" Use prayer and patience. Persist. The faith and strength you develop through this practice will be a source of help and comfort. - Mildred Y. Hart, Gualala, Calif.
Build knowledge, skills
I experienced the need for self-reliance and suggest doing the following:
- List your strengths and skills.
- Rely on others' strengths until you gain more confidence.
- Take steps to build knowledge and skills.
- Pray for help and do all you can to live worthy to receive help. - Luann Vause, Kaysville, Utah
Develop spiritual muscles
When reading the scriptures and praying daily, I develop spiritual muscles. I develop more feelings of "I know I can" than "I don't think I can."
After attempting suicide and becoming less-active for a number of years, I had to learn to love myself, to rely on myself and become self-reliant. But we can't do it without our Heavenly Father. We need His guidance, the spiritual love He gives us. It won't make the temptation and challenges go away, but it makes a difference on how we handle and learn from them. - Name withheld, Salt Lake City, Utah
Take care of yourself
For a military wife, there is always one word you never want to hear - "remote." Remote is when your husband is stationed away for a year. My husband was sent to Korea for a year, and I was left with five children, ages 2 to 11.
First, you must take care of yourself and then everything else will fall into place. I started running everyday. It gave me strength physically and mentally to carry out my daily responsibilities. I felt good about myself.
My greatest source of strength came from daily prayer. Believe in yourself and know that through faith and prayer, you can handle any situation. - Patricia Hawthorne, Shalimar, Fla.
Reap what we sow
My father always told us "We reap only what we sow." He passed away a few years ago but his words still ring in my ears. He also said: "If you plant a manioke [cassava], you will not reap a `ufi (yam), you are going to reap a manioke." So I studied carefully and applied it to my daily life. I sow enthusiasm and a positive attitude, and I reap success and enthusiastic responses from people.
There is only one thing to do, and that is to decide what you want, then be willing to pay the price to obtain it. Be positive, do what's right and invite our Savior into your life. - Iula Tuivai, Campbell, Calif.
Develop when young
Start teaching reliance when your children are young. When our year-old daughter climbed on the couch, she cried because she couldn't get down. I started to help, but my husband stopped me.
He said she got herself up there, and we needed to let her figure out how to get down. We talked to her and encouraged her, and she figured it out and got down safely. We then praised her. After that, she seemed to want to do everything herself. From early on, we would give her two alternatives and allow her to make the decision. She is now grown and married, and has been working and going to school and taking care of herself since she graduated from high school. - Barbara Larson, Katy, Texas
Learn all you can
As a woman, I have faced this challenge and feel women should learn to be self-reliant when called upon. I suggest the following:
- Learn from your husband about plumbing, electrical wiring and automobiles. Also, learn first aid.
- Be informed about your family's financial and business affairs. This will allow you to help your husband and be prepared in case of an emergency.
- Plan what you would do if you were left suddenly in charge. Preparation helps prevent panic. - Connie "Micki" Heyrend, Idaho Falls, Idaho
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How to checklist:
1 Read and put to use do-it-yourself books.
2 Believe in your talents and abilities.
3 Counsel with the Lord and heed spiritual promptings.
4 Seek others' help, then learn from them to do it yourself.
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WRITE TO US:
April 2 "How to store important records.'
April 16 "How to make time for exercise."
April 23 "How to raise a useful garden, especially with limited space."
April 30 "How to make Mother's Day memorable for your mother."
May 7 "How to grow old with a pleasant, positive disposition."
May 14 "How to prepare for natural or financial disasters."
May 21 "How to include non-member friends in a wholesome and positive graduation celebration."
May 28 "How to help your children entertain themselves during the summer."
June 4 "How to keep everybody happy with three generations in the home."
June 11 "How to understand ordinances and their blessings."
Have you had good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.