I never thought I would get involved in this controversy, mostly because no one who knows me would call me hirsute. But I have to speak out in support of bald men everywhere. Sean Connery was selected by People Magazine as "the sexiest man alive." At 59 he is the oldest yet selected, and he contrasts sharply with John Kennedy Jr., last year's youthful, darkly handsome choice.
Besides that, Connery's bald.His own comments were interesting. He said, "For once I'm speechless. It'll be all downhill from here." As for who he thinks is the sexiest man, the former James Bond actually named another bald man, Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, who he praised as "a man's man" because of his "extraordinary combination of intelligence, baldness and serenity. Almost Buddha-like."
Well said. Now I was just going to take this story as a quiet but eloquent blow for baldness and forget it. But Mike Royko, my favorite columnist that I never agree with, who is also bald, attacked People magazine for the choice. He suggested the magazine must be losing readership "among middle-aged bald guys," and conducted his own non-scientific survey among women his assistant interviewed in his newspaper office.
The result was overwhelmingly thumbs-down for Connery and for older, bald men. Various women were quoted saying really nasty things about Connery's allegedly dissipated qualities, such as haggardness, wrinkles, bloodshot eyes, all of which would not even appeal to the geriatric set. Royko's conclusion: Connery is too old and too bald to be sexy, so bald men all over America should "tumble out of their state of euphoria."
Since Sean Connery seems to me to have a great deal of natural charisma, I decided to do my own non-scientific survey among women at my own newspaper. Since I can't afford Royko's assistant, I did it myself.
Elaine Jarvik said, "By and large, I don't find bald men sexy, but I think Sean Connery is really sexy." What makes him sexy? "His eyes and his manner." Ha - she obviously recognized the charisma factor.
Ann Whiting Allen said, "If I had my choice, I'd rather have a head of hair. I liked Connery better when he had hair."
Karen Boren Swedin said, "Sean Connery is very, very sexy. He projects charisma." But she also thinks bald men are sexy anyway. "Look at Yul Brynner!"
Kathryn Clayton's words were profound: "Up to a certain age, the older men get the sexier they get. Paul Newman, for instance. Baldness has nothing to do with sexiness. Some bald men are sexy and some are not." As for Connery, he qualifies.
Susan Lyman-Whitney weighed her thoughts carefully before saying, "Eye crinkles are sexy. The older I get, the more I notice that sort of thing. I don't think about such things as baldness anymore. Baldness, by itself, is not sexy, but it doesn't keep a man from being sexy. Paul Newman would be sexy if he were bald. He is sexier than Sean Connery."
Dorothy Stowe said, "Sean Connery is pretty cute, but Tom Selleck and John Forsyth (both of whom have hair) are better." Then, in what I interpreted to be an unintentional pun, she added, "Hair really doesn't have any bearing (baring?) on it."
Sharon Thompson is not terribly impressed with Connery. "Harrison Ford, maybe . . . or even Billy Crystal . . . or Redford and Newman - but Connery . . . hmmmm."
When I asked Betsy Christensen point blank, "Is Sean Connery the sexiest man alive?" she said, "No, my husband is!" Although her husband is not bald, she claims baldness really doesn't make a difference in whether a man is sexy or not.
Angie Twitchell let her mind slip right past Connery to Kevin Costner and Mel Gibson, much younger, well-coiffed actors. When pressed for an older man who qualified, she said "Robert Redford." Baldness didn't seem to register.
End of survey. Not an overwhelming endorsement of Connery, but pretty good. No one mentioned Norm Bangerter, Jake Garn, Gorbachev, Jim Mortimer or Jerry Johnston. But the results were much more optimistic for bald men than Royko's suspect interviews. Half of those I talked to liked Connery, and well over half thought bald men could be sexy.
I feel better.