It is a sad commentary on the current creative climate in this town that television's programming future is beginning to look more and more like its past.
Everyone I've talked to the past couple of days is thinking about the trend that finds networks and syndicators drudging up old series and bringing them back with new casts, old casts or slight storyline modifications.P.R. types are trying to find ways to make everything old seem new again. Producers are going through old footage like a three-year-old sifting through a box full of used toys. Actors are beginning to talk about early sitcom characters in the same hushed tones usually reserved for the likes of King Lear and Lady Macbeth ("I really think I have a Lucy Ricardo in me, but all I ever get offered is Ginger Grant").
"Star Trek," "Columbo," "The Munsters," "Leave It to Beaver" and "Mission: Impossible" are already back. "Bonanza" tried - and failed. And this coming fall season will see revivals of "Kojak," "Lassie," "Dragnet" and "Adam 12."
"This is an uncanny time, when people are looking backward to go forward," said producer Al Burton in a story in Sunday's Los Angeles Times. "There's a thinness to culture today that may demand we go back to another time to find who we are."
Some of the people I've talked to say the "Back to the Future" approach can be traced to last year's writers strike. It was then that the networks, hungry for fresh programming despite a lack of fresh scripts, came up with the idea of bringing back old series with new stars and updated perspectives. And while it's clear that those unusual circumstances did hasten the return of series like "Mission: Impossible," the flood of nostalgia started long before the writers set up their picket lines.
"The New Leave It to Beaver" series - then called "Still the Beaver" - was among the first to make an attempt at a prime time comeback, followed closely by "Star Trek: The Next Generation." While neither of those programs have become ratings blockbusters, they've obviously done well enough to warrant another look-see next season - and to spawn a spate of similar repeats and retreads.
"Television is a medium of safety and security," producer Gary David Goldberg ("Family Ties") told the Times. "There's a level some of the older shows fall into where the ritual aspect of watching becomes more important than the creative element. If a show is familiar and produces a comfort zone that people like, it doesn't really matter from a critical standpoint if the show is any good or not."
Well, at least that much was obvious. (And you thought this summer's vast array of movie sequels was frightening.)
(BU) BUT AS LONG AS we're going to remake vintage television series, let's do it right. For example:
- "Gomer Pyle, USMC (Retired)": Gomer works his way into a high government post thanks to his boyishness, his loyalty and his deft touch with a paper shredder. Gollee! Starring Oliver North as the new Gomer.
- "My Mother the Russian": The Model T got wrecked, so now Mom's back as a Soviet swimmer who claims never to have used steroids. (And you thought the car story was hard to believe.) Featuring Ben Johnson in his first acting role outside of a press conference.
- "F-Tube": The fort is turned upside down when a couple of local Indians (Utes, I think) claim to have discovered a way to make firewater in gourds. Spontaneously. Starring Dr. Stanley Pons and a whole bunch of crazy chemists.
- "There Go The Brides": All the women leave Seattle when a huge oil slick floats down from Alaska. (They've even changed the lyrics of the title song: "The blackest beach you've ever seen is in Seattle . . .") Bobby Sherman and David Soul reprise their roles, and what was the name of the guy who played that hard-drinking sea captain? He's in charge now, don't you know.
- "The D-Team": Violence and legalized mayhem are at the heart of this series about a bunch of guys who delight in going around and beating the stuffing out of people. Starring Rick Mahorn, Bill Laimbeer, Dennis Rodman and most of the rest of the Detroit Pistons.
- "Still The Fugitive": Dr. Kimball is on the run again, only this time he isn't trying to beat a murder rap. He just did something incredibly stupid. Starring Rob Lowe.
- "Hell Town II": The show's producers have decided to literalize the venue, with Robert Blake opening up a roadside repentance station on the way to the Great Beyond. Guest stars in the first episode will include Hitler, the Ayatollah, Charles Manson and the guy who invented call-waiting.
Even I could get excited about some of those shows.