DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of a large group of children who had no father to honor on Father's Day. Their fathers are not dead; they are "deadbeats" who make up the 2 million absent parents nationwide (95 percent of whom are fathers) who don't pay their child support.
The following statistics are appalling, and paint a picture of a social problem that has reached crisis proportions:- Fifty percent of fathers do not pay their child support - leaving $3.7 billion unpaid each year.
- If the trend continues, over one out of four children born today will be a welfare recipient at some time before they reach the age of 18.
- Affluent fathers are just as likely to not pay their court-ordered support as fathers earning less than $10,000 a year.
- As an attorney, and the founder of the Center for Enforcement of Family Support, I've seen the effect that non-payment has on children. Tragically, non-payment is all too often accompanied by a breakdown in the father/child relationship. - DENNIS A. COHEN, LOS ANGELES
DEAR MR. COHEN: You have made an important contribution to this column. On behalf of more than 2 million children whose fathers have failed them (financially), thank you for writing.
DEAR ABBY: Since my husband and I divorced five years ago, legal debts and other expenses have kept me on the brink of bankruptcy.
Six months ago, I took a new job as a secretary, and I need to know what I can say to my co-workers when they invite me to join them for lunch at nearby restaurants. I've already told them that it is only rarely (once a month at the most) that I can afford to eat out. I've had to explain my circumstances because they know approximately what my salary is, and they can't understand why I can't afford expensive lunches. I am tired of having to trot out these circumstances, and I don't want them taking pity on me and "treating" me when I know I can't reciprocate. If I merely say I'm having financial problems, they may think I don't know how to handle money.
The same thing happened on my last job, and I ended up being the "office poor person." People don't understand why I'm driving a 21-year-old car. They don't understand why I don't go to the doctor when I should, or why I live in the neighborhood I live in, and so on.
I like all my co-workers and hate to cut them off when they ask questions. I don't want them to think I have something to hide, or that I don't trust them enough to be open with them.
Please tell me how to handle this. - THE OFFICE POOR PERSON
DEAR O.P.P.: Since you've already told your co-workers that you can't afford to lunch with them daily, it's not necessary to explain further.
As for "explaining" why you are driving a 21-year-old car and aren't going to the doctor when you should, it's no concern of theirs, so don't beat yourself up trying to justify it.
If they continue to invite you to join them for lunch daily, hold your head high, and respond with a firm but friendly, "Not today, thank you - perhaps another time."
CONFIDENTIAL TO R.H. IN BOZEMAN, MONT.: Don't ever ask anyone to buy you a present. It's usually much cheaper to buy it yourself.
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