"At long last, I'm in love," confides a radiant friend. "It's everything I've ever dreamed of, and more. I've never been so happy in my life."
Which of these is the polite response?"These things never last."
"Well, I don't have anybody."
"I hope it's not you-know-who."
"What's that going to do to your career?"
"I suppose you won't have any time for your friends anymore."
"You just think you're in love."
The answer is an emphatic "None of the above." The correct answer is "How wonderful - I'm so happy for you!"
Nevertheless, Miss Manners is informed, happy announcements are nowadays commonly met with gloom. At best, "Congratulations!" has been replaced by "Do you know what you're getting into?" An expectant mother reports having her joyous news greeted with "How horrible!"
Why is it so difficult to wish others well when something wonderful has happened to them? Miss Manners believes that seeing people one cares about finding happiness is, in itself, one of life's pleasures.
She notices that the dour responses fall into one of three categories, each of them unacceptable in someone who is supposed to be a well-wisher.
First, there is the evaluation of the announcement purely in terms of the situation of the hearers. Such people don't take even one moment for registering pleasure at another's good fortune, because the only matter of interest to them is their own.
Or perhaps that person wouldn't grudge your pleasure if it didn't threaten his or her own - but considers that it must.
The second response is that of the sourpuss who doesn't believe in the human heart: Love is bound to go wrong; even parenthood is bound to lead to grief. Seeing your happiness, this sort of friend feels obligated to attempt to kill it just in case it might later die of its own accord. The idea is to attempt to ruin your happiness now, to save you possible disillusionment later.
The third response, all too common in a society largely populated by busybodies, is to give advice. Nobody seems to have noticed that this is a waste of time. People who are in love are notorious for not listening to the advice of others.