DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine sent this to me. He had torn it from his church bulletin. He says the author is unknown. Too bad, because I'd like to give this contemporary a big hug. Just sign me - GETTING THERE

OLD FOLKS ARE WORTH A FORTUNEOld folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become a lot more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I'm seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed - with Ben Gay. What a life!

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do - all the time. No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs in the kitchen or down in the basement - I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

DEAR ABBY: Would you please do road travelers a favor by printing this as an open letter to disc jockeys everywhere?

"Dear Disc Jockey: We appreciate the information and entertainment you provide, but please, please tell us the city you are broadcasting from. Station call letters mean nothing to a stranger in your area, so we don't know whether you are in front or behind us. This can be very important when you are giving weather and road information; plus, you do a disservice to your advertisers, because many times we would have stopped to purchase the products or services they were selling - if only we knew where they were located!

"We are retired and travel with an RV, so we are free to stop whenever and wherever we choose. There are literally thousands of us roaming the highways who are apt to stop for a day, week or month in your community if something strikes our fancy, and we always leave money behind! So, let us know where you are, and we may just stop by for a while."

Thanks, Abby, for printing this. - RUSS PEERY, HELENA, MONT.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ALL PARENTS: Parents who want to train their child in the way he should go should go that way themselves. - VAN BUREN

- "How to Be Popular" is for everyone who feels left out and wants an improved social life. It's an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person. To order, send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)

1990 Universal Press Syndicate