LAMBADA - turkey - J. Eddie Peck, Melora Hardin, Shabba-Doo; rated PG (violence, profanity, sexual innuendo, vulgarity); Cineplex Odeon Holladay Center and Trolley Square Cinemas, Mann 6 Theaters.
THE FORBIDDEN DANCE - turkey - Laura Herring, Jeff James, Kid Creole and the Coconuts; rated PG-13 (sex, nudity, profanity, vulgarity, violence); Cineplex Odeon Family Center Trolley and Trolley Corners Theaters, Mann Cottonwood Mall Theaters, Redwood Drive-in (with "La Bamba").
Two major studios, Columbia and Warner Bros., both recently acquired independently made lambada dance films and then raced to release them on the same day (last Friday).
Why they pushed so hard to cash in on this "craze" _ how many lambada-dancing fools do you know? _ isn't really the question, however. The real question is why in the world they judged these movies worthy of release at all!
Both are poorly scripted, badly acted and have soundtracks _ including dialogue _ that sound dubbed in as an afterthought. On a technical level "Lambada" is a notch or two above "The Forbidden Dance," but that's hardly a recommendation. And though some of the songs are pretty good, the constant loud music in both films is a decided distraction. (Of course, considering the lack of quality here, maybe that's all to the good.)
"Lambada" is labeled in its newspaper ads as "The Original," but what that means is lost on me. It's not Ir24p,1p8the first, since both opened on the same day. And the story certainly isn't original; it's a blatant ripoff of _ are you ready? _ "Stand and Deliver."
Oddly enough, "Lambada," despite the title, has a lot less to do with the lambada than does "The Forbidden Dance." "Dance" bases a good deal of its plot directly around lambada dancing, but "Lambada" uses it strictly as a sidebar to the storyline.
(BU) "LAMBADA" focuses on a conservative math teacher in a Beverly Hills high school who is successful in the classroom and beloved by his peers. He's a family man with a devoted wife and son.
Each night, while Mom cleans up the kitchen and sonny has gone to bed, the teacher dons an earring, a black leather jacket over a T-shirt and rides his motorcycle into East Los Angeles, where he teaches math to underprivileged minority kids to help them get high school diplomas. (We are told he was adopted and raised by a Mexican couple and this is his payback.)
But he doesn't teach these kids in a classroom, though one would think he could find a local school willing to open its doors for such a worthy cause. Instead _ ostensibly to reach the kids _ he goes to their turf, a lambada dance club called "No Man's Land." He does some dirty dancing with the kids (his wife doesn't know about this part), then teaches them geometry in a back room.
Right.
Unfortunately, his cover is blown when a student from the Beverly Hills school, who has a crush on him, drops by the club one night and spots him. The so-called action builds to a climax when the Beverly Hills kids go up against the East L.A. kids in a "Super Quiz" math test.
If you can't guess the outcome you've never been to a movie in your life.
"Lambada" is utterly preposterous, develops no realistic characters and ends on a preachy get-an-education and let's-all-be-friends note.
It does occasionally attempt some humor. It fails every time, but does make the attempt.
"Lambada" is rated PG, mainly for the sexually suggestive dancing, some violence and a few profanities.
-"THE FORBIDDEN DANCE" is the story of a Brazilian Indian princess who lives in the rain forest and learned "the white man's ways" through missionaries.
When her village is about to be razed by an American company that has purchased the land, the princess heads for the United States to plead her case. She is, naturally, ignored.
So she takes a job as a maid to a wealthy couple whose son goes out dancing every night. Naturally, she teaches him the lambada, but Mom and Dad are shocked that their son is going out with "her kind."
She leaves their employ and becomes a dancer in a brothel/chains-and-leather bar, but soon ol' sonny boy finds and rescues her.
When he becomes aware of her need to get some attention about the evil company threatening to destroy her Brazilian village, they decide together to do the only logical thing.
What? Approach a government official? Take her story to a newspaper?
Don't be silly.
They audition for a dance contest to do the lambada on national television with Kid Creole and the Coconuts _ "a live show that will go into every home in the United States" _ where she can explain her plight and start a boycott of the evil company.
Why didn't I think of that?
"The Forbidden Dance" is so idiotic that it almost makes "Lambada" seem sensible. And it might be unintentionally funny if it didn't trivialize the very real plight of the Amazon rain forests.
"The Forbidden Dance" is rated PG-13 but is actually worthy of an R, with quite a bit of sex, some nudity, sexually suggestive dancing, profanity and violence.