How many people think there should be more TV commercials?
Gee. Not a lot of hands went up.Well, it doesn't matter whether you want them or not. You're going to get them.
Science and Madison Avenue have found a way to realize a long-held dream: to subject the public to television commercials even when they're not watching television.
After all, there are living among us innumerable shirkers and incorrigibles who have managed to escape commercials by avoiding commercial TV. The very idea!
It's unthinkable, unconscionable and perhaps even un-American since, the way things are going, commercials could become the Last American Product.
We won't make anything but ads. Ads, ads and more ads. And then, for good measure, still more.
On the drawing boards now are schemes that will enable TV commercials to follow you around after you leave the house. For instance, Turner Broadcasting System and ActMedia, a marketing firm, have developed Checkout Channel, in-store television aimed at people standing in lines at supermarkets.
"Consumers say that their least favorite part of shopping is standing in line," notes an ActMedia executive. Apparently reading the supermarket tabloids is insufficient stimulation. So thanks to Checkout Channel, which will get a preliminary tryout in a few markets starting in August, standees will be able to watch televised news features interspersed with - yessirree Bob - lots and lots of commercials.
This ought to humanize the supermarket experience, don't you think? Staring at a TV screen will help people avoid the horror of looking into each other's eyes or speaking to one another. Just like at home.
Advertising Age magazine calls the new invasion of commercials "non-traditional media," and Checkout Channel is only the beginning.
Also on the way is special Reports Television, a video system for doctors' waiting rooms that will entertain patients with news, features and you-know-what's.
Special Reports Television was developed by Whittle Communications, the company that is trying to bring TV commercials into school classrooms with its controversial, much-resisted Channel One. Students see a 15-minute, satellite-delivered newscast in school each day, but educators throughout the country have balked at going for it because commercials are part of the Channel One package.
Doctors don't seem quite as picky. Thousands have already signed up for waiting-room TV.
Sears, "where America shops," will also soon be where America watches commercials. As of September, clothing departments in selected Sears stores will be outfitted with TV monitors offering a continuous playback of ads.
Sears won't just be pushing its own merchandise, but will sell ad time to others.
This raises a mildly intriguing possibility: "Attention, Sears shoppers! Hurry on over to K-Mart and get that Bart Simpson T-shirt for $3 less!"
Ah but there's more.
Enterprising marketers have also developed the Health Club Television Network which, starting in the fall, will beam programming and ads at huffers and puffers on exercise machines in fitness centers.
Think of it - you'll be able to improve your body and rot your mind at the same time.
Whether the public will embrace this new onslaught of advertising depends on two things. First, can an onslaught be embraced? And second, how long before people stop in their tracks, push back their shoulders, stick out their chests and scream to high heaven that they Just Can't Take It Anymore?
We all see something like 18,000 commercials a year as it is. Maybe 18,002 is the number that pushes people right over the line.
Ad-shocked citizens, suffering media-intake overload, will rush to psychiatrists for help. The problem is, something will be waiting for them in the waiting rooms. "The doctor will see you in a moment. But first - a word from our sponsor . . . ."