It's high time we looked to the stars for a solution to the Persian Gulf crisis.
You know what I mean. If Ronald Reagan were still president, he would have taken a reading on Saddam Hussein by now through Nancy's astrologer. So far, George Bush hasn't bothered to do that.The dictionary definition of astrology is "a pseudo-science claiming to foretell the future, by studying the supposed influence of the relative positions of the moon, sun and stars on human affairs."
I must admit that definition accurately fits my own prejudice. I never cared one hoot for the stars, except to sleep under, even when Nancy Reagan's absolute reliance on them was revealed.
But I received a press release the other day called "Saddam Hussein and the Stars." It is a profile of Saddam by Sue Apitz, an astrologer from the American Federation of Astrologers. Apitz, who has a degree in speech and communications from Texas Christian University, grew up in Houston and now lives in St. George. She has been an astrologer for 18 years and is now working on a book called "Astrologer's Diary."
Apitz says that Saddam is "an egotistical Taurus with a strong desire to show his power, probably due to early childhood abuse. He has a total lack of integrity. Saddam was born April 28, 1937, in the city of Tikrit, Iraq. He comes to a conclusion by a series of deductions. The invasion on Aug. 2, 1990, coordinates astrologically with his desire for power, and I feel that the invasion was planned since February 1990. The time was right! He associates this move with a spiritual responsibility he has for his people."
"The astrological chart of the invasion indicates that the planet Jupiter was at 26 degrees of Cancer in Saddam's chart. In lay terms, Pluto relates to power and, when combined poorly with planets at the time a person is born, tends to cause a misuse of power."
From what we know about Saddam so far, this analysis holds up pretty well. I talked with Apitz, who downplayed the impact of astrology in her own life. "It is not a religion with me. It is a study of the cycles that we live in."
She also downplayed the prominent media comparison of Saddam to Hitler, even though Hitler's birthday is very close to Saddam's - April 20th. "Saddam," she says, "comes from a completely different culture. He does not have the potential drive of Hitler. He can be scared off. He is an attention-getter."
In Apitz's opinion, there will be no war.
"It will take until January or mid-February until it works itself out through negotiation, but only after Saddam is pushed to the wall."
Jordan's King Hussein (no relation to Saddam), on the other hand, is a "sensitive, mild-mannered man born into wealth, while Saddam Hussein struggled for mere survival from birth." The result is that Saddam feels some resentment for "his more fortunate Arab brother."
Saddam's nemesis is George Bush. Bush, according to Apitz, is normally a patient man, born June 12, 1924, a Gemini with the moon in Libra currently producing a "short fuse" or a lack of patience. "They have kept him on the golf course because it is not a good time for negotiation," says Apitz.
Now we at last understand why Bush persisted in spending 25 days in Kennebunkport, Maine, in the midst of international crisis. Off the golf links he might have precipitated war.
Without warning, Apitz shifted her interest to my own birth date - Jan. 23.
"You think in an organized manner," she said. "You have strong responsibility and are highly sensitive. You are strongly independent - especially in your love life. Your career is innovative. You have a strong creative streak. Goals that you had on the back burner are now being developed. In the past two years you have made moves to develop these long-held goals. You want to find time for your personal writing. You like to dance and enjoy music."
Hmmmm. There may be something to astrology after all.