Here it is Christmas Eve, and your local television editor hasn't finished his shopping yet.
At this late date - and with a rather limited budget - it's a certainty that he won't complete it. But they say it's the thought that counts, so here's what I think some of our friends out there in TV land deserve to find in their stockings:- For all "Northern Exposure" fans, an all-expenses-paid weekend in Cicely, Alaska.
- For Barbra Streisand, a club to use on Mike Wallace the next time he conducts a thoroughly obnoxious interview with her.
- For Will Smith, a.k.a. the Fresh Prince, another expression besides a smirk.
- For Murphy Brown, a healthy baby boy that doesn't take over the show.
- For those Designing Women, a continued surge in the ratings (as has been the case since what's-her-name left).
- For Tom Arnold, some talent. And for Roseanne Arnold, the realization that Tom doesn't have any.
- For Jerry Seinfeld . . . well, maybe nothing for Jerry Seinfeld. Wouldn't want him to change, after all.
- For CBS chief Larry Tisch, a calculator and a brain to use the next time he's negotiating for the rights to major league baseball.
- For CBS Entertainment President Jeff Sagansky, the continued good health of all his remaining series stars.
- For NBC Entertainment President Warren Littlefield, collective amnesia so that everyone forgets about Brandon Tartikoff.
- For Fox, a new sitcom that doesn't appeal to the lowest common denominator.
- For the Simpsons, well-behaved children, easy answers and weak plots . . . nah, then they'd be just like the Huxtables.
- For Carol Burnett, a big round of applause from trying to revive two moribund television genres - the anthology and the variety show. (And a tear or two because it didn't work.)
- For James Garner, a vehicle worthy of him. (And for NBC, a dunce cap for coming up with "Man of the People.")
- For Diane Sawyer, a subscription to "The National Enquirer" so she might be inspired to raise her journalistic standards.
- For Dan Rather, a consistent hair color.
- For Hot Rod Hundley, an entire NBA game in which the officiating meets his approval.
- For the writers of "Knots Landing," copies of scripts from past years, so they can remember what the show was like when it was well-written.
- For the writers of "Doogie Howser, M.D.," copies of scripts from past years. (See above.)
- For the writers of "L.A. Law," copies of scripts from past years. (See above.)
- For the writers of "Cheers," copies of scripts from past years. (See above.)
- For shows like "Brooklyn Bridge," "Home Front," "I'll Fly Away" and "The Torkelsons," an audience that matches the quality of the programs. (Meaning many, many more viewers.)
- For KUTV, a little recognition for training so much of KTVX's staff.
- For KTVX, some thank you notes to send to KUTV.
- For KSL, a sense of humor.
- For KUED and KBYU, huge donations on the first day of pledge drive, allowing them to cancel the rest of the campaign.
- For KSTU, a few more time slots in which to schedule "Star Trek" or "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
- For KXIV, a few ratings points. Somewhere. Anywhere.
- For KOOG, a nice gift from the home shopping network.
- And for all you couch potatoes at home, enough quality television to keep you satisfied, with no more than a smattering of TV junk food to clog up your brains.ALL IS FORGIVEN: KSL's announcement that Jazzman Karl Malone will host a regular segment on the upcoming "SportsBeat Saturday" is particularly interesting in light of Malone's occasionally stormy past with "SportsBeat."
On April 29, 1991, Malone failed to appear for a scheduled segment on the Sunday broadcast, apparently because he was brooding about a loss to Phoenix earlier in the day. Craig Bolerjack repeatedly berated the Mailman for his no-show (and quite rightfully so).
The two had an on-air reconciliation several weeks later. And now Malone is part of the KSL team.
He'll be paired with Brad Steinke when "SportsBeat Saturday" debuts on Jan. 18.BIG NUMBERS: Last week's edition of "PrimeTime Live," which featured an interview with William Kennedy Smith accuser Patricia Bowman, was boffo box office, as they say.
With a 17.7 rating and a 29 share, "PrimeTime" not only easily beat "L.A. Law" and "Knots Landing," but it was the highest rating ever for the program.
Sort of a sad commentary on what attracts American viewers, don't you think?
If you're wondering, the installment of "PrimeTime" that previously held the ratings record featured Diane Sawyer interviewing Marla Maples and asking her about her sex life with Donald Trump.
How proud they must be at ABC.VIDBITS AND PIECES: "Cheers" co-stars Rhea Perlman (Carla) and George Wendt (Norm) will appear in an upcoming episode of Fox's "Roc" - as a married couple. . . .
CBS has killed the sitcom "Princesses," which was supposedly in the shop for retooling after one of the stars, Julie Hagerty, quit the show. . . .
In addition to his duties as a "60 Minutes" correspondent, Ed Bradley will host "Street Stories," a CBS news magazine that gets a four-week tryout next month. . . .
After trying it out for a couple of weeks earlier this month, NBC will flop "Seinfeld" and "Night Court" permanently beginning Wednesday, Jan. 8. According to the Peacock, moving "Seinfeld" to 8 p.m. (and "Night Court" to 8:30 p.m.) knocked 15 percent off "Doogie Howser's" ratings. . . .
Stone Phillips, one of the chief correspondents on ABC's "20/20," has been hired away by NBC to co-host an upcoming news magazine with Jane Pauley. . . .
Jesse Jackson, who's syndicated show bombed last season, returns to the tube as host of "Both Side With Jesse Jackson," which debuts on CNN on Jan. 4. . . .
CBS has decided that "Davis Rules," which used to air on ABC, will precede "Brooklyn Bridge" on Wednesdays at 7 p.m. beginning Jan 1. "Davis" will also get a preview this coming Monday at 7 p.m. in the slot normally occupied by "Evening Shade". . .