Although the calendar might disagree, fall is here-at least as far as school kids and television shows are concerned.
It's that time of year when they're out buying new clothes, putting on their best, laying in supplies, trying to make a good impression...B And so are the kids.
Of course, the big difference between students and TV shows is the dropout rate. You can pretty much figure that at least three out of four freshman television programs won't be back for their sophomore years. And a large percentage won't even finish out this season.
And while the best and brightest students tend to succeed, the same can't be said of TV shows. Some of the most intelligent programs will fall by the wayside--victims of tough compeition, poor scheduling and whims of the viewers--while some really stupid shows may turn into big hits.
As for this year's crop of freshmen, overall it's remarkably average. Few are absolutely terrible, but even fewer are particularly wonderful. Most lie somewhere in the middle.
Here then, is a rather "academic" look at network television's freshman class of 1991:
SUNDAY
THE ADVENTURES OF MARK & BRIAN: Extraordinarily unengaging pair of radio personalities try various stunts like singing with the Temptations, training with NASA and swimming with sharks. The result is one of the worst new shows this fall. GRADE:D
Class Time: 6 p.m., NBC (Ch.2). CLASS BEGINS: Previews on Monday, Sept. 9, and Thursday, Sept. 12; makes regular time slot debut Sept. 15.
Teacher's Comments: Expect a quick cancellation.
EERIE, INDIANA: Suprisingly good kids show that adults with a sense of humor will also like. A 13-year-old boy (Omri Katz of "Dallas") moves to a rather bizarre town where unusual things happen. GRADE:B+
Class Time: 6:30 p.m., NBC (Ch.2). Class begins: Sept. 22.
Teacher's Comments: Hopefully, NBC will stick with this one. Its first ove may well be to swap places with "Mark and Brian."
MAN OF THE PEOPLE: The wonderful James Garner stars in this woefully inadequate half-hour comedy as a con man who is appointed to the city council to replace his late ex-wife. A waste of talent. GRADE: C-
Class TIme: 7 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2 ). Class begins: Sept. 15.
Teacher's Comments: Even a good show would have a tough time competing with "America's Funniest Homer Videos" and "Murder, She Wrote." and this show isn't very good.
PACIFIC STATION: In this OK sitcom, Robert Guillaume ("Venson") stars as a police deterctive in Venice, Calif.-- he's sort of and island of sanity in a sea of insanity. His partner (Richard Libertini) is just back from psychological leave, and Ron Liebman plays a lecherous cop. GRADE: C+
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., NBC (Ch.2). Glass begins: Sept. 15.
Teacher's Comments; See comments under "Man of the People."
ROC: Well-produced, well-acted sitcom about a black Baltimore garbage man and his family--bigoted father, beautiful wife and ne'er-do-well brother. The problem? The pilot just isn't funny. Grade: B-
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., Fox (Ch. 13). Class began: Aug. 25.
Teacher's Comments: There are possibilities here, and if they can punch up the scripts it might turn into a hit.
HERMAN'S HEAD: Really bad sitcom about He4rman (William Ragsdale), a struggling young man in New York, and all the characters who make up his personality00four actors who live inside his head. An interesting idea that's poorly executed. GRADE D-
Class Time: 8:30 p.m., Fox (Ch. 13). Class begins: Sept. 8.j
Teacher's Comments: Even flollowing "Married...With Children" won't be enough to save this turkey.
MONDAY
Believe it or not, none of the networks made any changes in their Monday night schedules.
TUESDAY
I'LL FLY AWAY: Outstanding drama from the creator/producers of "Northern Exposure." Set in the late '50s South, Sam Waterston stars as a lawyer struggling with his desire to see things change and his desire for things to stay the same. Characters include his three children, probable girlfriend (Kathryn Harrold) and his black housekeeper. This is the best new show of the season. GRADE: A+
Class Time: 7 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2). Class begins: Oct. 8.
Teacher's Comments: If we're lucky, NBC will more this to a better time period, because it doesn't stand a chance against "Full House" and "Rescue 911."
HOME IMPROVEMENT: Comic Tim Allen brings his standup act to TV-- he's the host of a home improvement show on TV who struggles around the house with his wife and two sons. Not bad at all. GRADE: B
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 17.
Teacher's Comments: This will probably be at least a minor hit, hammocked between "Full House" and "Roseanne."
HOMEFRONT: Period, continuing drama set in 1945 as the troops are returning home from war. Large ensemble cast is full of good actors, backed up by the people who've done such a fine job with "Knots Landing" all these years. It's one of the better shows debuting this fall. GRADE: A-
Class Time: 9 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 24.
Teacher's Comments: The big problem here is that the cast is so large it's a bit difficult to keep all the characters straight. Will viewers stick around until they figure it out? Chances are the answer is no--unfortunately.
WEDNESDAY
THE ROYAL FAMILY: Surprisingly good sitcom featuring Fedd Foxx as a retiring mailman and ella Reese as his wife. Their soon-to-be-divorced daughter moves in with her three kids (who are much too sitcommy), turning their lives upside down. Foxx and Reese are very good together. GRADE: B+
Class Time: 7 P.m., CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sept. 18.
Teacher's comments: It's in a tough time slot, opporit "Dinosaurs" and "Unsolved Mysteries," but the chemistry between Foxx and Reese just might provide the break-through CBS wants so badly on Wednesday nights.
TEECH: Another sitcom that's just sort of OK. Phill Lewis (who's great) plays the title character, a black music teacher from the poor side of Philadelphia who takes a job at an all-white, all-male prep school, where he's usually involved with a core cast of four troublemakers. GRADE: C+
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sept. 18.
Teacher's Comments: If "The Royal Family" is a bit hit, "Teech" might make it. If not, it'll be gone before long.
SIBS: (Unavailable for preview.) We're talking siblings here--more precisely three sisters. Marsha Mason is the oldest--and sanest. Margaret Colin is in her 30s and confused, Jami Gertz her early 20s and confused, Cast also includes Emmy-winner Alex Rocco and Dan Castellaneta (the voice of Homer Simpson). GRADE: Icomplete
Class Time: 9 a.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Preview on Tuesday, Sept. 17; regular time slot debut Sept. 25.
Teacher's comments: This show has the talent both in front of and behind the camera to make it worth waiting for. But there's no way of knowing if it will live up to expectations.
GOOD AND EVIL: Outrageous, over-the-top comedy in the tradition of "Soap." (Susan Harris, the creator of that '70s sitcom, has reworked the concept a bit--but not much.) Margaret Whitton is the "good" sister and the fabulously funny Teri Garr is the new time slot as early as November.
Class Time: 9:30 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 25.
Teacher's Comments: The funniest show of the season (I'm still laughing(, but won't suite everyone's taste (it can be offensive). However, sitcoms usually don't work after 9 p.m, so expect to see this show moved to a new time slot as early as November.
THURSDAY
PROS AND CONS: (Not available for preview.) ABC has taken the fine drama "Gabriel's Fire_ and turned it into an action/comedy, adding Richard Crenna as James Earl Jones' new partner. On paper, it doesn't look like a particularly good idea. GRADE: Incomplete
Class Time: 7 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 26.
Teacher's Comments: This show will be smashed in the ratings by "The Cosby Show and "The Simpsons." Kind of makes you wonder why ABC canceled its last sacrificial lamb, "Father Dowling."
DREXELL'S CLASS: Dabney Coleman stars as another cantankerous, grouchy guy--this time he's a fourth-grade teacher with, shall we say, some rather unusual methods. It has definitely got that Fox sensibility--its original title was "Shut Up, Kids." GRADE: B
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., Fox (Ch. 13). Class begins: Sept. 19.
Teacher's Comments: Fox is desperate for a show that can hold onto "The Simpsons" audience. this might be it.
FBI; THE UNTOLD STORIES: As reality shows go, this isn't bad. But it isn't much different from a lot of other reality shows out there. Re-creations and actual news footage retell tales of FBI cases. GRADE: C+
Class Time: 8 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 26.
Teacher's Comments: The "FBI" will get pulverized by "Cheers," but that's what ABC is pretty much expected. Oh, well. Reality shows are much cheaper to produce.
PRINCESSES: God sitcom about three women who end up sharing a fabulous New York apartment. (I won't tell you how, it would spoil the first show.) July Haggerty ("Airplane!" is the flighty WASP, Fran Drescher the Jewish-American princess, and Twiggy Lawson (yes, that Twiggy) a real-life princess. GRADE: B+
Class Time: 7 p.m, CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sept. 27.
Teacher's comments: This is comedy that will appeal to adults. But whether parents can get their kids away from that Urkel character on "Family Matters" is open to question.
BROOKLYN BRIDGE: (Not available for preview.) Gary David Goldberg, who created and produced "Family Ties," is behind this nostalgic, autobiographical comedy set in 1950s Brooklyn. It's about an extended Jewish family, headed by a grandmother played by Marion Ross ("Happy Days") and revolves around two young boys. GRADE: Incompletet (but the pilot script is great)
Class Time: 7:30 ap.m., CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sept. 27.
Teacher's Comments; CBS and the critics have high hopes for this one. If it doesn't work in this time slot (and that will largely depend on the success of "Princesses") it will get another chance elsewhere.
THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE: (Not available for preview.) Heather Thomas and Mike Adamle host this pseudo-sports show from the producers of "American Gladiators." Stuntmen, adventurers and athletes undertake thrilling and dangerous feats. GRADE: Incomplete
Class Time: 8 p.m., Fox (Ch. 13). Class begins: Sept. 13.
Teacher's Comments: Instead of syndicators imitating networks now Fox is imitating a cheap syndicated show. Not a good sign.
STEP BY STEP: Absolutely auful sitcom that's sort of "The Brady Bunch meets Full House." A woefully miscast Patrick Duffy ("Dallas") is a divorced father of three who impulsively marries Suzanner Somers, a widowed mother of three. (Any time Somers is the better of two leads you know you're in trouble.) Take your pick of adjectives to describe the show--stupid, dumb, childish (not childlike)...GRADE: F
Class Time: 7:30 ap.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 20.
Teacher's Comments; This show will, in all likelihood, be a big success as part of ABC T.G.I.F. More's the pity.
THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW: (Unavailable for preview.) She's back on CBS, and the same format that was a hit on that network from 1967-78--a comedy-dominated variety show. GRADE Incomplete
Class Time: 8 p.m., CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sometime in October
Teacher's Comments: Can Carol recreate the magic? If she can, there may be a good number of adults who are tired of wtching kiddie-oriented "Perfect Strangers" and "Baby Talk."
FLESH 'N' BLOOD: Another pretty-good-but-not-great sitcom. Lisa Darr is an upwardly mobile young district attorney looking for the family that gave her up for adoption. David Keith (best known as the suicidal cadet in"An Officer and a Gentleman") is Arlo Weed, her hick brother from the South who arrrives with a dimwitted teenage son and a pre-pubescent daughter in tow. GRADE: B
Class Time: 8:30 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2). Class begins: Preview on Thursday, Sept. 1`9; regular time slot debut Sept. 20.
Teacher's Comments: If "Dear John is a hit on Friday nights, "Flesh 'n' Blood" will be too. And the chances of "Dear John" becoming a hit are slim indeed.
THE PALACE GUARD: Really bad action/comedy hour about a reformed jewel thief (D.W. Moffett), who'shired as the head of security for a chain of luxury hotels, and a former B-movie actress, now corporate vice president to whom he reports (marcy Walker of "Santa Barbara" fame). In addition to ludicrous plotting and general bad writing, Moffett and Walker have about as much chemistry as Bryant Gumbel and Deborah Norville. GRADE: F
Class Time: 9 p.m., CBS (Chy. 5). Class begins: Sometime in October.
Teacher's Comments; Viewers aren't quite as dumb as CBS is betting here. They'll tune out by the millions, so the palace won't be guarded for long.
REASONABLE DOUBTS: Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin stars as a deaf district attorney; Mark Harmon is the cop who's assigned as her investigator. The two clash (one of many cliches), but the show comes close to overcoming the predictability with good performances. (Note: For broadcast television, it's rather sexually explicit. We're not taking R-rated, but it's stronger than the norm.) GRADE: B.
Class Time: 9 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2). Class begins: Preview on Thursday, Sept. 26; regular time slot debut Sept. 27.
Teacher's Comments; "Midnight Caller" didn't work here last year, and NBC is extremely weak on Friday nights. It'll be tough for this show to break out.
SATURDAY
THE TORKELSONS: Surprisingly good sitcom about a poor Oklahoma family, centering on the relationship between 14-year-old Dorothy Jane (Olivia Burnette) and her mother. Burnette is wonderful. GRADE: A-
Class Time: 7:30 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2). Class begins: Sept. 21.
Teacher's Comments: This show has the makings of a hit--but it'll be tough on Saturday night. And will the same people watching the geriatric "Golden Girls" stick around to watch a teenager?
NURSES: Dumb, loud and obnoxious sitcom about, you guessed it, a bunch of nurses. From the people who bring you "The Golden Girls" and "Empty Nest," but it's several steps below either of those. GRADE: C-
Class Time: 8:30 p.m., NBC (Ch. 2). Class begins: Sept. 14.
Teacher's Comments: Despite its lack of quality, it just might be at least aminor hit riding on the cottails of "Empty Nest."
BEST OF THE WORST: An offbeat reality show that supposedly features stuff that's so bad it's funny. Unfortunately, the emphasis is heavily weighted toward bad instead of funny. GRADE: D-
Class Time: 8:30 p.m., Fox (Ch. 13). Class began: In August.
Teacher's Comments: Don't expect this to hang around for long.
THE COMMISH: Michael Chiklis (who played John Belushi in "Wired") is a police commissioner with a heart-- he handles the department with humanity and offbeat ingenuity. Theresa Saldana co-stars as his wife. GRADE: B-
Class Time: 9 p.m., ABC (Ch. 4). Class begins: Sept. 28.
Teacher's Comments; It's tough for anything to succeed on Saturday night, and this show may be too uneven to hold up for long. But it has possibilities, so let's hope ABC sticks with it for a while.
P.S. I LUV U: Silly comedy/drama hour about a con woman (Connie Selleca) and a cop (Greg Evigan) who are placed in the witness protection program--together. They end up working for a private police agency, solving crimes and pretending to live as man and wife. GRADE: D-
Class Time: 9 p.m., CBS (Ch. 5). Class begins: Sept. 21.
Teacher's comments: About the only thing this show can hope for is that people who watch the CBS movie that precedes it will be too lazy to change channels.