DEAR ABBY: I like your column, and 95 percent of the time you are right. This time, I think you are wrong. My wife and I were married at 18 and 19 years of age. We have a great son and daughter as well as six wonderful grandchildren. Our grandchildren even bring their boyfriends and girlfriends to visit us on our farm and to ask our opinions on many subjects.
Your answer with regard to a letter from a reader who does not like his wife opening his mail without his permission is in bad taste and incorrect. Our wonderful marriage has lasted 50 years because it includes no secrets, both participants working for the same goal, always talking nice, no drinking, no smoking, no cussing, and we kiss each other at least 50 times a day! We have no money problems and have no need for privacy between one another. I think your views about a spouse being entitled to his or her privacy are incorrect. - PAUL PENCE JR.DEAR PAUL: My congratulations to you for an ideal marriage. A marriage license does not confer automatic permission to read mail addressed to one's spouse. Read on for someone who had that problem, but was not as fortunate as you:
DEAR ABBY: This advice is for "Straight Arrow," whose wife opened all the mail that came to the house, regardless to whom it was addressed.
I had the same problem. I worked days; my husband worked nights. He opened all the mail. My resentment kept growing, and consequently I accumulated a lot of anger. Then one day, I got some good advice from a co-worker. She said, "Rent a P.O. box and have all your mail sent there." So I told my husband I had had enough of my privacy being violated and that I was getting a post office box.
I filled out change-of-address cards for my friends, creditors and relatives, and I keep the key to my P.O. box in a drawer at my office. Now, I go to check for my mail during the lunch hour. I never had anything to hide, either. But having my personal mail opened (by mistake, or otherwise) really irritated me.
Now . . . there is never a problem. - ANGRY NO MORE IN GULFPORT, MISS.
DEAR ABBY: I travel for business reasons and frequently dine in restaurants. I have noticed that on several occasions the server will take my money to pay the bill, then ask me if I "want any change" - obviously intending to keep all the change as a tip, unless I object.
The sum of the change has sometimes been substantial, and I feel put on the spot when asked this question, which irritates me. I have actually ended up giving the server a smaller tip than I had originally intended.
Is it considered acceptable for the server to ask if the diner wants change? - S.M., OTTAWA, ONTARIO
DEAR S.M.: No. The server should return all the change. Then the customer gives whatever amount he wishes as a tip.
DEAR ABBY: Please tell your readers to have dry hands when they defrost the freezer compartments in their refrigerators. I had the traumatic experience of being tightly stuck to the side of mine, with no way to get loose without losing much of the skin on my hand. Fortunately, my son was near, and I called for him to help. He poured water on my hand, and I managed to get it loose. However, I had to go to the emergency unit with a severe burn and a loss of skin.
It can happen very quickly, and people should be aware. - ANOTHER KIND OF BURNED
DEAR BURNED: A word to the wise.
To get Abby's booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a long, business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada), to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)