Well, it's about to happen again. A major character on a weekly TV show is going to bite the dust.
This past Sunday on "Life Goes On," young Tyler (Tommy Puett) was critically injured when he crashed his car while driving drunk. He was still breathing at the end of the episode, but he won't survive this coming Sunday's show.Tyler will become just the latest in a long line of victims. Taxes may not be inevitable on television series, but death certainly seems to be.
Just last season, yuppies across America were mourning the tragic passing of Gary (Peter Horton) on "thirtysomething," killed in another car accident.
This may be the most popular way to go. It's quick. It's easy. And it's usually off camera.
And if an actor is being difficult about his contract, just put him out in traffic. That's what happened to John Amos of "Good Times," whose character was snuffed out as that series' third season began.
Of course, not all traffic fatalities are permanent. Bobby Ewing was done in on "Dallas" when he was struck by a car, but we all know that turned out to be just a dream.
Sometimes, the actor passes away, necessitating doing away with the character he played as well. Jock Ewing couldn't remain on "Dallas" after Jim Davis died, and Redd Foxx took Al of "The Royal Family" with him as well.
And television has not been without its rather colorful demises. Who could forget Rosalind Shays plummeting down that elevator shaft on "L.A. Law?"
Or how about Joshua Rush (a young Alec Baldwin) being screamed off the top of building by his mother (acclaimed actress Julie Harris) on "Knots Landing?"
Or the one-armed man plunging off that water tower in the final episode of "The Fugitive?"
Or the Fernwood police chief, who drowned in a bowl of soup in Mary Hartman's kitchen?
Then there was the female lifeguard on "Baywatch" who was eaten by a shark.
As in real life, some of those who die deserve to live and some who live deserve to die. Let's address that second group - and try to set that straight. Here are some characters we'd all be better off without, and a few suggestions as to how exactly to get rid of them.
- Roseanne Connor on "Rose-anne," could be strangled with her apron by an unbalanced customer at the diner where she works - a customer driven over the edge by her rudeness.
(And just imagine how good the ensuing sitcom could be - lovable, overweight dad tries to raise three kids on his own.)
- Gen. Marcus Craig of "Major Dad," could be accidentally shot to death while inspecting a howitzer.
- Both Jake and the Fatman - the former could be killed when the latter explodes.
- Karlene Frazier of "Designing Women," could be killed when Bernice beats her severely with her purse. Before being carried off to the Georgia State Home for the Terminally Looney, Bernice tells the court, "I just couldn't look at the dumb smile any longer."
- The entire cast of "Scorch" could die in a fire the dragon causes by sneezing.
- The entire cast of "Step By Step" could be snuffed in a pillow fight that gets out of control.
- Danny Tanner could drown by accidentally falling into a vat of syrup, which he at first mistakes for his family. (This would also take care of the "America's Funniest Home Videos" problem.
- Commander William Riker of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" could contract an exotic, rather personal disease during one of his, shall we say, extremely close encounters with an alien.
- Any one of several characters on the high school drama "Beverly Hills, 90210" or the college sitcom "A Different World" could die of old age.
- Charlie of "Empty Nest" could be electrocuted when the Weston refrigerator shorts out.
Of course, there is an easier way to do in all these TV characters. Send them to stay with Jessica Fletcher in Cabot Cove.
That woman seems to spawn murders wherever she goes.