IVAN: I thought it was most appropriate that the Utah Funeral Directors were having a convention somewhere else in the Salt Palace complex at the same time as this concert.
AMY: What does that mean?IVAN: Well, there's this old saying about music being so loud it would raise the dead . . .
AMY: Oh, I get it. Are your ears ringing like mine?
IVAN: What's that?
AMY: I SAID "ARE YOUR EARS RINGING . . . " Oh, never mind.
IVAN: Well, it was really thoughtful of that nice lady right behind me at the concession stand during intermission to give me a couple of the cotton balls she had put in her purse. She must've overheard me ask the young lad at the counter for a couple of earplugs.
Adams' opening act, The Storm, was certainly loud. But Adams' segment of the show did fit the title of his new album, "Waking up the Neighbours." I wonder if the "neighbours" over at the Marriott heard it?
AMY: Not likely, but this was the best concert I've ever been to. It was AWESOME!
IVAN: Hmm, that was also how you described that huge collection of 50-plus loudspeakers clustered over both ends of the arena stage. You said they were "awesome." I thought they looked big and LOUD.
AMY: They were big, but at least everybody could hear. We had a real party!
IVAN: All I heard was a bunch of noise. If there were any questionable lyrics anywhere in the concert - you know, the kind your Mom and Dad are worried about - I sure couldn't tell from this concert. About 95 percent of the lyrics were completely muffled.
AMY: I could hear every word! And there were no bad words, Dad, believe me.
IVAN: Well, I must admit, Bryan Adams looks like a nice, clean-cut young guy. And most of his music is OK, too. It may be a little loud for my tastes, but for the most part, he literally threw himself into more than two hours of solid rock 'n' roll. All that energy! Adams reminds me of those batteries in the TV ads.
AMY: Oh, yeah, the ones that keep going and going and going.
IVAN: What was your favorite song?
AMY: I really liked two of them: "Can't Stop This Thing We've Started" and "Thought I'd Died and Gone to Heaven." They were both great!
IVAN: Well, I have to publicly admit, that the only Bryan Adams song I've actually heard before was "Everything I Do (I Do It for You)" from the "Robin Hood" sound track. But I thought most of his concert would be like that - just nice ballads. Of course, when I think of "ballads" I think of Perry Como or Johnny Mathis. Maybe Pat Boone.
AMY: I've never heard of them!
IVAN: That's because we listen to two entirely different radio stations. But this concert certainly was an interesting experience. It looked, most of the time, as if there were 10,000 warm bodies all doing aerobics at the same time. How did you like it?
AMY: I thought it was great fun. Everybody got involved and that made it even more fun. The Storm didn't play my kind of music, but Bryan was terrific.
IVAN: Well, except for Garth Brooks in a few weeks, I'm swearing off concerts.
Unless Rosemary Clooney comes back to town.
AMY: Good grief! I'd be excited if Bryan Adams came back and rocked Salt Lake City again.
IVAN: Speaking of "rocking Salt Lake," after Wednesday night's experience, I can't see why the government folks are so concerned about the Salt Palace being vulnerable to earthquakes. The shockwaves flowing out of the sound equipment would probably be the equivalent of 8.5 on the Richter scale. And the building was still standing when we left.