It's smorgasbord time for television viewers.
ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox are serving up a wide variety of new offerings - 34 to be exact - as they gear up for the new television season. And, of course, there are 68 items returning to the menu.This year, more than ever, the majority of the new programs were cooked up to appeal to the palates of younger viewers. Several of your old favorites are missing, and a couple have even moved to new networks.
Fortunately, there are fewer really awful dishes on the networks' menus than there were last year. There aren't a lot of new programs that will appeal to the true television gourmet, but overall quality seems to have improved a bit.
There are still, however, a number of programs certain to leave a bitter taste in your mouth.
Here, then, is a top-to-bottom ranking of the 34 new series debuting between the end of August and late October - the best, the worst and the rest of fall 1992:
1. LOVE AND WAR (Mondays, 8:30 p.m., CBS): Fresh and often wildly funny, this adult
sitcom was created by Diane English ("Murphy Brown") and it stands up very well against its predecessor. Jay Thomas stars as an abrasive, Jimmy Breslinesque newspaper columnist. And Susan Dey is an upscale, uptown, recent divorcee who buys his favorite bar. Much to their mutual surprise, they fall in love.
Premieres on Monday, Sept. 21, at 9 p.m. with an hourlong episode. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 28.
2. BOB (Fridays, 8:30 p.m., CBS): Bob Newhart's third sitcom is formatted just like his first two
- he's the sane character in the middle of a bunch of lunatics. (This time, he's even got a daughter.) And, once again, it works marvelously. This time around, Bob is an artist whose superhero creation, Mad Dog, is revived after decades out of print. He's forced to work with a younger, stranger cartoonist. Very funny stuff.
Premieres Friday, Sept. 18, at 7:30 p.m. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 25.
3. PICKET FENCES (Fridays, 9 p.m., CBS): This is the best new drama of the season. Created by David E. Kelley, who used to run things over at "L.A. Law," it's set in a small Wisconsin town where Jimmy Brock (Tom Skerrit) is the sheriff and his wife, Jill (Kathy Baker), is the town doctor. Quirky and funny, it's full of wonderful offbeat characters.
Premieres as a two-hour movie on Friday, Sept. 18, at 8 p.m. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 25.
4. MAD ABOUT YOU (Wednesdays, 8:30 p.m., NBC): Outstanding sitcom features Paul Rieser ("My Two Dads") and Helen Hunt as newlyweds adjusting to the institution of marriage and each other. The humor is adult, fresh and funny.
Premieres Sept. 23.
5. HEARTS AFIRE (Mondays, 7:30 p.m., CBS): Created by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason ("Designing Women," "Evening Shade"), this very funny half hour features John Ritter as a single father and aide to a rather dim U.S. senator from a Southern state and Markie Post as a formerly famous, down-on-her-luck journalist forced to take a job as the senator's press aide. Of course, they fall in love. The tone and humor can be rather risque.
Premieres Monday, Sept. 14, at 7 p.m. with an hourlong episode. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 21.
6. GOING TO EXTREMES (Tuesdays, 9 p.m., ABC): Another quirky, ensemble drama from the creators of "Northern Exposure" and "St. Elsewhere" - and it's almost a combination of the two. Set on a fictional Caribbean island, it's about a group of medical students who couldn't make it into stateside schools and thrust themselves into this strange, Third World country. Very good pilot shows promise of developing into an excellent series.
Premiered Sept. 1.
7. COVINGTON CROSS (Saturdays, 7 p.m., ABC): Surprisingly good family drama/comedy set in medieval England. Sir Thomas Gray (Nigel Terry) is the single father of an independent 18-year-old daughter and three teen and twentysomething sons. Lots of action and nice touches of comedy.
Pilot was "previewed" on Aug. 25 and and Sept. 3 and will be repeated Saturday, Sept. 19, when it debuts in its regular time slot.
8. LIKELY SUSPECTS (Fridays, 8:30 p.m., Fox): A strange concept that works surprisingly well in this intriguing comedy. Sam McMurray ("The Tracy Ullman Show") is a homicide detective and his partner is . . . well, his partner is the camera. The entire show is seen through the eyes of the rookie partner, who is addressed and even bumped into by other actors. Original and entertaining.
Premieres Sept. 11.
9. THE GOLDEN PALACE (Fridays, 7 p.m., CBS): Betty White, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty return in this reconstituted "Golden Girls," and they've just bought a run-down hotel. The cast expands considerably, with the addition of a fiery Latin cook (Cheech Marin), young hotel staffers and a teenage homeless boy.
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But it's pretty much the same ol' "Girls."
Premieres Sept. 18.
10. CROSSROADS (Saturdays, 8 p.m., ABC): Robert Urich stars as a New York prosecutor who leaves his job in an attempt to reform his estranged, troubled 16-year-old son. The two set out on a vintage motorcyle for a cross-country trip, encountering various people and adventures along the way. Better than average, thanks to well-written scripts.
Previewed Monday, Sept. 14, at 7 p.m. and Wednesday, Sept. 16, at 9 p.m. The same episode debuts in its regular time slot on Sept. 19.
11. KEY WEST (Tuesdays, 8 p.m., Fox): A New Jersey factory worker (Fisher Stevens) wins the lottery, quits his job and moves to Key West, Fla., where he wants to become a newspaper reporter, of all things! Once there, he finds himself in a world full of odd characters. Sort of "Southern Exposure," as opposed to "Northern Exposure." Has possibilities.
Premieres Oct. 27.
12. CLASS OF '96 (Tuesdays, 7 p.m., Fox): One of the better "90210" clones concerns seven freshman - four male, three female - from various backgrounds entering an Ivy League-type school in the Northeast. More serious and better written than most in this genre.
Premieres Oct. 27.
13. THE EDGE (Saturdays, 8:30 p.m., Fox): Off-the-wall sketch comedy is hit and miss - sometimes it's wildly funny, sometimes it misses the mark completely. It's worth watching just to see the very talented Julie Brown in action.
Premieres Sept. 19.
14. THE BEN STILLER SHOW (Sundays, 6:30 p.m., Fox): Stiller, a former MTV personality and the son of Stiller and Meara, hosts this outrageous sketch comedy. The premise is that his regulars and various guests stop by his house to put on a show. Hilarious one minute, dull the next - like most sketch comedies - and pushing the line of good taste.
Premieres Sept. 27.
15. FRANNIE'S TURN (Saturdays, 7 p.m., CBS): This attempt at another blue-collar sitcom - it's from the producers of "Roseanne" - is only partially successful. Miriam Margoyles stars as Frannie, a put-upon working mother with an unemployed Cuban husband; a 20-year-old daughter; the daughter's arrogant fiance; a dimwitted mother-in-law; and a 15-year-old son who's both a heavy-metal freak and a smart mouth. It has its moments but has a way to go.
Previewed on Sunday, Sept. 13, at 7 p.m. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 19.
16. GREAT SCOTT (Sundays, 6 p.m., Fox): Scott Melrod (Tobey Maguire) is a 14-year-old with a smothering mother, an obnoxious sister and an overactive imagination - which leads to lots of fantasy sequences. Often quite imaginative, this is an OK comedy that kids should like.
Premieres Sept. 27.
17. RHYTHM AND BLUES (Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., NBC): Comedian Roger Kabler stars as a hip, jive deejay hired to save a black-owned Detroit radio station - only the owner (Anna Maria Horsford of "Amen") is horrified when she finds out he's white. There's lots of racism-in-reverse, and - while Kabler is very funny - the series is a lame ripoff of "WKRP In Cincinnati."
Premieres Sept. 24.
18. LAURIE HILL (Wednesdays, 8:30 p.m., Ch. 4): Surprisingly dull and lifeless comedy - or, more properly, dramady - from the creators of "The Wonder Years." The title character is a thirtysomething doctor who tries to juggle her career with her husband and young son - often unsuccessfully. There aren't many laughs here.
Premieres Sept. 30.
19. THE ROUND TABLE (Fridays, 8 p.m., NBC): Ripoff of "St. Elmo's Fire," NBC tries to cash in on the "90210"/"Melrose Place" craze by hiring those producers to create this ensemble drama. It's about seven young people forging various careers - in the FBI, the Secret Service, the Justice Department, etc. - in Washington, D.C., when they're not hanging out at their favorite bar or playing touch football. It's a weak sister to the shows that inspired it - and they're not all such great shakes, either.
Premieres as a two-hour movie on Friday, Sept. 18, at 8 p.m. Cuts back to an hour on Sept. 25.
20. THE HEIGHTS (Thursdays, 8 p.m., Fox): The zip code definitely isn't "90210," but the inspiration is. This ensemble drama follows seven young people, six of whom come from blue-collar backgrounds and all of whom want to make it big with their rock group. It's sort of an MTV soap opera.
Premiered Aug. 27.
21. OUT ALL NIGHT (Saturdays, 7:30 p.m., NBC): Even the effervescent Patti LaBelle can't save this sitcom. She's the owner of a trendy nightclub and mentor to a young college graduate, Jeff (Morris Chestnut), she hires to manage the place. This show tries hard to be hip - and includes performances by real chart-toppers - but is really rather silly and contrived.
Premieres Sept. 19.
22. ANGEL STREET (Saturdays, 9 p.m., CBS): Gritty police drama about mismatched female detectives (Robin Givens and Pamela Gidley) fighting crime and male chauvinism. Good production values, but neither lead character is particularly likable - which makes it hard to watch.
Premieres Tuesday, Sept. 15, at 8 p.m. as a two-hour movie. Moves to regular time slot on Sept. 16.
23. DELTA (Thursdays, 7 p.m., ABC): Former "Designing Women" star Delta Burke does nothing to prove her case that she was the real talent on that CBS series by headlining this mediocre-at-best new sitcom. She's a frustrated country singer who leaves her husband and heads to Nashville, where she gets a job as a barmaid and schemes to get into the music business. The pilot was recently reshot, and it's much improved, but still not very good. Much of the comedy is lifted right out of "Hee Haw."
Previewed on Tuesday, Sept. 15, at 8:30 p.m. Debuts in regular time slot on Sept. 17.
24. CAMP WILDER (Fridays, 8:30 p.m., ABC): Another lame sitcom to add to the T.G.I.F. lineup. Sort of a distaff "Full House," it's about a divorced mother (Mary Page Keller) of a young daughter who moves into her late parents' home to raise her adolescent brother (Jerry O'Connell) and sister. The house becomes the local hangout for their friends. Sweet, sappy and, unfortunately, stupid.
Premieres Sept. 18.
25. FLYING BLIND (Sundays, 9 p.m., Fox): Dumb, tasteless sitcom about a recent college graduate (Corey Parker of "thirtysome-thing") who has a dull job at the company his father works for. And his dull life is suddenly interrupted when a gorgeous, oversexed young woman (Tea Leoni) swoops down on him. Although there are some laughs here, the humor is sexual and sophomoric.
Premieres Sept. 13.
26. WOOPS! (Sundays, 9:30 p.m., Fox): Would you believe a post-apocalyptic comedy? The last six survivors following an accidental nuclear holocaust try to build a brave new world. This is the stuff of comedy?
Premieres Sept. 27.
27. THE HAT SQUAD (Wednesdays, 7 p.m., CBS): This hourlong action/drama is really little more than a live-action cartoon. Three adopted brothers (Nestor Serrano, Don Michael Paul and Billy Warlock) are unconventional cops teamed up to bring in the really bad guys - by doing things like bungee jumping. It's quite brainless.
Premieres with a 90-minute pilot on Sept. 16 at 7 p.m. It cuts back to an hour on Sept. 23.
28. SECRET SERVICE (Sundays, 6 p.m., NBC): Hosted by former first son Steven Ford, this consists of dull re-creations of allegedly exciting Secret Service cases. This is a low-budget show and looks it.
Premiered Aug. 16.
29. FINAL APPEAL (Fridays, 7 p.m., NBC): A spinoff of "Unsolved Mysteries," Robert Stack also hosts this half-hour reality series. It features exposes of convicted criminals, some of whom may be innocent. Run-of-the-mill reality program.
Premieres with an hourlong episode on Friday, Sept. 18, at 7 p.m. Cuts back to 30 minutes on Sept. 25.
30. HANGIN' WITH MR. COOPER (Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m., ABC): Really bad new sitcom that's accurately described as a black "Three's Company." Comedian Mark Curry is the title character, a substitute teacher who shares a house with two women, played by Dawnn Lewis ("A Different World") and Holly Robinson ("21 Jump Street"). It's full of sexual innuendo and cheap jokes - which makes you wonder why ABC scheduled it after the family-oriented "Full House."
Premieres Sept. 22.
31. WHAT HAPPENED? (Fridays, 7:30 p.m., NBC): Ken Howard hosts this morbid reality series, which looks at real-life calamaties and explains how they might have been prevented. More junk TV.
Premieres Sept. 25.
32. HERE AND NOW (Saturdays, 7 p.m., NBC): Extremely poor, exceptionally preachy sitcom features Malcolm-Jamal Warner as a character very much like the one he played on "The Cosby Show" - he's a graduate student working with underprivileged kids at a big-city youth center. A waste of time.
Premieres Sept. 19.
33. MARTIN (Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., Fox): Really awful new sitcom that seems to have confused loudness and humor. Martin Lawrence has cleaned up his filthy standup act, but this is still suggestive and tasteless. He isn't funny as an obnoxious young talk radio personality with a strong-willed girlfriend.
Premiered Aug. 27.
34. I WITNESS VIDEO (Sundays, 7 p.m., NBC): Tacky, often tasteless real-life videos of murder, disasters, crime and various mayhem - including some actual on-camera murders. An absolutely horrible show that NBC should be utterly ashamed of.
Premiered Aug. 16.