This jury of one has come back with a decision, and it's too late for any appeals:
It's time for "L.A. Law" to close up the firm and go off the air.Once one of television's finest series, "Law" has become nothing but a lame parody of itself.
It's boring. It's repetitive. It's outlandish.
And it just isn't any fun anymore.
For the past couple of years, as "L.A. Law" has been on a long slide down, those involved have consoled themselves with the belief that even a bad episode of their show is better than a good episode of most other shows.
That may once have been true, but it's certainly not anymore. These days, even the best episode of "L.A. Law" is worse than lots of other shows.
And bad is just bad nowadays.
Let's just take a quick look at what's happened to the show this season:
- Arnie Becker (Corbin Bernsen), the lothario lawyer, went off to see the world and came back as a hippie. Now he's saving his, um, physical prowess and working for a studio chieftan.
- That studio chieftan, played by Shelley Berman, is an offensive Jewish stereotype devoid of any real character.
- Several promising characters were jettisoned, including Zoey Clemmons (Cecil Hoffman), Susan Bloom (Conchatta Ferrell) and C.J. Lamb (Amanda Donahoe).
And, in what has to rank among the dumbest explanations in TV history, C.J. left to join the women's pro golf tour!
- The most interesting, if unlikely, thing Douglas Brackman (Alan Rachins) has done all season was get tossed in jail - and then tossed in a clothes drier by his fellow inmates.
- Stuart Markowitz (Michael Tucker) was beaten during the Los Angeles riots and suffered brain damage. Since his release from the hospital, he's done enormously stupid things like lead a break-out at a dog pound.
What an offensive use of the riots as a plot device. And making fun of serious injuries? Please.
- Stuart's wife, Ann Kelsey (Jill Eikenberry), is nothing but a shrew.
- Tommy Mullany (John Spencer) and Roxanne Melman (Susan Ruttan) are trying to conceive a child out of wedlock.
Now there's a lovely plot device we haven't ever seen on TV before!
- The show's two new characters are less than nothing. A Martinez has had little to do but take off his shirt and look hunky, and Lisa Zane is just sort of an irritant.
- Gwen Taylor (Sheila Kelley) is being pursued by a stalker. But it isn't tense, it's just dull.
That's just one example of the greatest indictment against "L.A. Law." Not just that it's bad, but that it's so boring no one really cares what happens any more.
So, once again the firm of McKenzie Brackman is in financial difficulty. Who cares?
This was once a series that deftly blended good soap opera - the personal lives of the lawyers - with outstanding legal drama. The cases the lawyers handled were usually thought-provoking and even gut-wrenching.
This season, the cases are worse than dull. They're stupid.
Would you believe a guy getting fired from his theme-park job as Homer Simpson for passing out and throwing up?
Perhaps it's because the general quality of "Law" has declined so dramatically, but the show's use of off-color, sexual humor is unbearable. And it's not even the least bit clever anymore, it's just cheap and vulgar.
What makes all this particularly disappointing is that this was supposed to be the season that "Law" revived. After a troubled year last season, new executive producers were brought aboard.
And not just any executive producers, but John Tinker and John Masius, who were in charge of the outstanding series "St. Elsewhere."
But Tinker and Masius have either lost their touch, or their task was simply impossible. "L.A. Law" is even worse this year than it was last.
NBC ought to cut its losses and cut the show out of its schedule. And, although it will never happen because of the cost involved, if Twentieth Television (the studio that produces "L.A. Law") had any pride it would take this season's episodes and burn them.
They shouldn't be allowed to sully the memory of what was once a great show.