Dear Abby: I'm at my wit's end. My nerves are all to pieces.
Four years ago, after being widowed, I married a minister who is the father of three adult children. All live out of state. The youngest daughter is 48 years old, and she told me right off she didn't want to be referred to as my stepdaughter. She goes out of her way to be rude and does things out of pure spite. For her dad's sake, I have ignored them as much as possible, as he is 83 years old and in poor health.It all came to a head while I was in the hospital in July for gallbladder surgery. This daughter came to visit her dad, and instead of fixing him nourishing meals, she took it upon herself to scrape all the wallpaper off my living room walls and paint them an ugly green - convincing her dad it would be a "surprise" for me. It certainly was!
My own daughter happened by the hospital and told me about it. I was so upset I had a severe setback. My "stepdaughter" fled into the night. She didn't wait until I was out of the hospital.
My husband can't see what's wrong with a person entering another person's home and doing this without the owner's permission. Not only that, he mailed her a large sum of money as a reimbursement. What an unbecoming way for a minister of the gospel to act. Am I wrong to think a wife's needs and wishes come before those of a 48-year-old woman who acts like a 7-year-old?
I desperately need someone to talk this over with. As of right now, I don't want to disgrace my husband before the church, but I can't take any more from this daughter. I have thought of pressing charges.
Feel free to publish this letter if you wish - but don't use my name. God bless.
- A 78-year-old Reader
Somewhere in Tennessee
Dear Reader: It was inconsiderate of your stepdaughter to do the painting without consulting you, at least on the color. She was wrong. However, give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was honestly trying to help you.
It seems to me that your choice is clear. Since the "damage" has already been done, either hire a professional painter to remedy the situation or cover the wall with pictures and joke about the situation to your friends. (I'd do the former.)
Thought for the Day: Teddy Roosevelt wisely said, "It's not the critic who counts. . . . It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled. . . . Credit belongs to the man who really was in the arena, his face marred by dust, sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs to come short and short again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. It is the man who actually strives to do the deeds, who knows the great enthusiasm and knows the great devotion, who spends himself on a worthy cause, who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement. And who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and cruel souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
Good advice for everyone - teens to seniors - is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054. (Postage is included.)
1993 Universal Press Syndicate