Imagine what would happen if there were an outbreak of kindness in the world, if everybody did one kind thing on a daily basis. What would the world be like? There is a movement afoot to encourage just such a conspiracy, and those who adhere to it daily commit random acts of kindness. Such kindnesses are "those sweet or grand, lovely things we do for no reason expect that, momentarily, the best of our humanity has sprung, exquisitely, into full bloom," says Daphne Rose Kingman. "When you are being kind to others you are doing not what life requires of you, but what the best of your human soul invites you to do."
Kingman writes in the foreword of a book published by Conari Press (Berkeley, Calif.) called "Random Acts of Kindness" (no author listed). The book is so titled because it encourages readers to love not only those to whom they have committed, but also those whose names, faces and true circumstances they will never know. For example:- Driving home from work on a crowded city street - parked cars on either side, traffic going about 25 mph - a woman noticed some young boys on bikes recklessly weaving through traffic. When one grabbed her car door handle, pedaling like mad to keep up, she parked her car, gesturing that she wanted to talk to him. She wondered what she could say that could possibly make a difference, but the words just tumbled out of her mouth: "I don't know you," she said quietly, "but I want you to live to be a ripe old age with all your arms and legs intact."
- A man who had obviously been running like O.J. Simpson through the airline terminal became furious in finding that his reservation had been cleared and his seat given away. When the agent offered him a confirmed seat on the next flight five hours hence the man started screaming about how important it was he get to Chicago by 7, how irresponsible the airline was when, after all, he had a confirmed ticket, how he wanted to see a supervisor, and on and on.
Finally, he stopped his tirade to say, in a very quiet voice, "I'm really sorry. I'm just completely stressed out and I can't believe I am going to miss this meeting." Right then, an older man stepped up to the counter and said, "Here take my seat. I'm retired and I'm in no real hurry to get anywhere." The young man, looking happy and ashamed at the same time and also like he was going to cry, accepted the ticket and boarded the plane.
- A woman whose life was running smoothly found herself sitting home one Saturday with all her work done and with that delicious feeling of having nothing to do. Then she thought about a single friend, a mother of two small children, who never seemed to have time for anything. She drove to the woman's house, walked in, and said, "Put me to work."
- A man who jogged through the park every morning always went by an old woman who sat on a bench with a small, very old, mangy dog. One day, noticing her dog was absent, he stopped and inquired about the dog. He reports: "Suddenly, tears started running down the lines in her face and she told me he had died the night before. I sat and talked with her for over an hour. Every day after that we would greet each other as I came by; sometimes I would stop and talk with her for a while."
Lending perspective to practicing random acts of kindness are authors quoted in the book, many of whom emphasize that such acts require us to "stretch"
our worlds. "That person who doesn't fit in with our notions of who is worthy of our love - the bag lady at the corner, the strange old man who rides through town on a three-wheel bike all strung up with flags - is just the person who, by not fitting into our patterns, insists that we expand not only our views but also our capacity to love," says Kingman.
"Compassion is an alternate perception," adds M.C. Richards. And, observes Theodore Isaac Rubin: "Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom."
"Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary," suggests Sir James M. Barrie. Toward this end, consider these possibilities:
- The next time someone speaks to you, listen deeply without expecting anything.
- Write a card thanking a service person for his or her care and leave it with your tip.
- For one week, act on every single thought of generosity that occurs to you.
- Give another driver your parking spot.
- Send a letter to someone who has made a difference in your life.
Practicing kindnesses, of course, often comes back to the giver in unexpected form, as in the instance of a woman who stopped along a barren stretch of road to aid a family with a flat tire. Twelve miles later, stranded with a blowout herself, she was rescued by the very family she had helped earlier.
To this point, Ralph Waldo Emerson finishes: "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
Jo Ann Larsen is a therapist practicing in Salt Lake City.