Question: This is an old problem with a different twist. I have a couple of friends who SEEM to think that my drinking is a problem.
First of all, you have to believe me when I say that it's not. I don't drink very often (two or three times a month), but they insist that I've got a huge problem with it. Obviously, they don't touch the stuff, but don't you think they are overreacting a little bit?They are threatening that if I don't stop, they will talk to my mom about it. I could never hurt my mom because I love her so much and this would just break her heart.
I don't want to commit to my friends that I will completely stop because I won't and I like it. They claim my motives (are) what concern them.
I will admit, I like to be drunk to forget my problems. And I'm well aware they'll be there when I sober (up), but I see nothing wrong with forgetting them for a few hours.
I keep telling them the majority of teens are a WHOLE lot worse than me. They are also concerned because I experimented with pot twice - which didn't do much for me.
I guess my point is - I think I'm a teen who is testing the water and seeing what I like. They don't. What do you think? And how can I convince them that going to my mom is really uncool and unnecessary? I'm thankful for friends who care - but I need my room.
- A Reader and Listener in Texas, age 16
Answer: Stop kidding yourself. Your friends aren't overreacting. They have good reason to be concerned. You're more than just testing the waters; you're setting yourself up to go under.
You've established a pattern of drinking to get drunk - even if it's "only" two or three times a month. And you're drinking to "forget" or get away from problems. These are classic warning signs of alcoholism.
We respect your honesty when you say you like to drink and you don't intend to quit. We'll also be honest. We don't know if you'll be able to stop drinking until you're drunk if you get rid of whatever's bothering you. We're not in a position to evaluate that, but you need to talk to somebody who is and who can help you.
That's why we think it's anything but uncool to let your mom know what's going on in your life. Give her a chance to help you get the help you need to deal with your problems. Trust us. Not giving her this chance is what could break her heart.
You can get confidential, anonymous information by calling the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence at 1-800-622-2255. They can refer you to a trained substance abuse counselor in your area who can give you an objective, confidential assessment.
P.S. Be thankful you have friends who know and care enough about you to force you to do something about this potentially destructive habit. And give yourself some credit for writing to check out what somebody else thinks. We suspect that deep down you know you've got a problem. Good luck. We hope you or your friends will write and let us know how you're doing.
Talkback: In response to an article on how teens can say no to alcohol, I think that EVERY ONE of those excuses were completely unrealistic.
I am 17 and for no particular reason, I do not drink. I have never, ever had anyone hassle me when I say no. The standard reply is, "Good. More for me." All that is required of me is a simple, "No thanks. I don't drink." Certainly not, "Candy is dandy enough for me." This is ridiculous.
Most of the time no one could care less who drinks, therefore making peer pressure self-induced. If someone's friends seriously hassle them for not drinking, maybe they should re-evaluate the company they keep.
- Michelle in Dallas
Talkback: I honestly do not know what teenagers would do without a place to write and relieve pent-up frustrations, anger and other emotions over situations they have experienced. I congratulate your efforts.
A Column Reader in Emporia, Kan.
HIGH FIVE TO 40 students at East Bank High School in Charleston, W.Va., who took part in National Youth Service Day. In a program initiated by the school's community service class, members of the choral, band, art and French programs traveled to an area elementary school. With music, art, a line dance and a puppet show, the East Bank students demonstrated to several classes of kindergarten, first- and second-grade students that fine arts skills can be fun.