When Cindy and Brian Lundy first discussed adopting a child, they didn't know how many decisions they would have to make:
Did they want an infant? Most people do. Would they accept an older child?What about race? They're both white, and couples wait years to adopt a white infant - if they ever get one. Would they be willing to accept a child from a different racial or cultural background?
Even the question of how to start the process was daunting. Did they want to arrange a private adoption, working through an attorney? Go to a public agency, like the state (where the emphasis is on special-needs adoptions)? Visit one of dozens of private adoption agencies, from LDS or Catholic church sponsored agencies to the Children's Service Society or Children's Aid Society, among others?
"You have to make those decisions first. You can really only pick one agency because of the financial requirements," she said.
Not like you think
When people think of adoption, they tend to picture an infant being adopted by a childless couple longing for parenthood. That is just one scenario - a very small part of the total adoption picture, according to Roland Oliver, Human Services adoption program specialist.
The Bureau of Vital Records, which maintains statistics on adoptions, said that 1,371 adoptions occurred in Utah in 1992. Of those, 60 percent were adoptions by relatives, including step-parents. Adoption by grandparents is becoming increasingly common.
The bureau doesn't keep track of how many children are adopted by Utah families from other states or countries.
The costs of these adoptions vary, ranging from basically nothing to more than $20,000 each, depending on attorney fees, agency and court costs and other expenses, like whether medical bills or foreign travel were involved, Oliver said.
Things are changing, and many of the old taboos have fallen away. It used to be people over 40 couldn't adopt an infant; that policy has changed, although emphasis is placed on finding a family that fits the age group of the child. By law, adoptive parents must be 10 years older than the child.
A complicated process
Each adoption is individual, but there are certain things prospective adoptive parents can expect:
- The child will be in their home at least six months before an adoption can be finalized. In the case of step-parents, the time is one year.
- The parents will be the subject of a thorough home study, unless they're related to the child they're adopting.
Talking about home studies - designed to make sure the family is prepared "up front" to provide clothing, food, shelter, etc. - makes Oliver smile. "When the law requiring home studies was enacted two years ago, there was some interesting stuff that came out of the brush. We saw home studies on kids who had been in homes for five or six years."
In all cases, people are reminded that adoption is a serious matter that merits careful consideration. Once adopted, a child is entitled to the rights and privileges of a biological child. And adoption, except in very extreme, unusual cases, is permanent.
Records are sealed
In Utah, adoption records are, by law, sealed when the adoption becomes final. Oliver says, however, that "sealed" is subject to differing interpretations.
"The attorney general reads it that all records are sealed. In private party adoptions, only the court records are sealed," he said.
Regardless of interpretation, only nonidentifying information will be available unless both mother and child (after he or she reaches maturity) register through the Bureau of Vital Statistic's adoption registry. The courts will not help mother and child reunite later.
Differing adoption agencies
Utah couples are not restricted to Utah to find a child. An interstate compact has been set up to regulate infants going from state to state. That compact and the forms involved provide a lot of protection, even to the states, which don't want to wind up with welfare costs for a child if an adoption fails.
Adoption agencies must be licensed by the state and can actually take custody of the child when birth mothers relinquish their parental rights to place the children with adoptive families, said Jan Knaphus, a social worker in the Catholic Community Services adoption program. The agency has custody of the child until the adoption is finalized. The exception is with special-needs adoptions, where the child usually remains in custody of the state until the adoption.
Many of the agencies seem to have become specialists of sorts. LDS Social Services' adoption program, for instance, works with birth mothers of all religions, but tries to place children with LDS couples, said Fred Riley, assistant commissioner of LDS Social Services. Although they handle adoptions in all the states, Canada, England, New Zealand and Australia, they do not work with foreign adoptions. Each country's program is self-contained.
Children's Aid Society, on the other hand, works with childless couples to arrange adoptions. Some agencies will consider single parents. Others won't. Some work only with local adoptions; others specialize in foreign adoption.
What about agency vs. private adoptions? It depends on whom you ask - and what you need.
Agencies help adopting couples throughout the entire process and often beyond it. They can conduct the mandated home studies. Many attorneys who handle private adoptions fill much the same role, minus those home studies.
Decisions and more decisions
Phillip Harding, adoption attorney, says he not only takes care of the technicality of having the adoption finalized by a judge; he's also a go-between for birth parents and prospective adopting parents. Because there are more people who want them than there are infants, he helps locate and pair them.
He also provides the birth mother with the chance to learn nonidentifying information about the would-be family so she can be part of the placement decision-making process.
"We are able to give her an opportunity to know that family to whatever degree she wants to know it. In some cases, it's totally confidential. In the majority of cases, we are able to have birth parents and adoptive parents meet, on a first-name basis only. That rapport helps both parties."
Open adoptions are becoming more common in the state, according to Oliver. "It's not for everyone, but what child doesn't want to know some things?"
There are plenty of options. In some cases, the birth parent chooses the person who will raise the child. They can decide what kind of contact they want to maintain, if any.
Not for sale
Adoptions - particularly of babies - have sometimes been depicted in the media as a baby-selling enterprise where rich couples can purchase a child from unscrupulous agencies or attorneys.
According to adoption attorney Keith Eddington, Utah law prohibits anything that smacks of "baby selling." But the adoptive couple can voluntarily pay costs directly related to the birth.
"If the birth mother comes in and says she lost her job because she's pregnant and the adoptive parents are willing to help out, fine. But it can't be a binding thing. It's a risk for both of them that goes right up until the actual placement. There's uncertainty involved."
Marilyn Groussman knows all about adoption: Her husband adopted her child from a previous marriage. Together they adopted a child. And they gave birth to two children.
"I've given birth and I adopted. You can't believe how hard it was to get him. There is absolutely no way I loved them any differently. To give birth or to get that phone call . . . The minute I got that call he was mine. There's no difference to me."
"Adoption really can be a win-win for both parties," Harding said. "It's often viewed as exploitive. It's most often not that. The birth mother has a problem - a crisis, whatever - and is unable to care for the child. Perhaps she wishes to give that child opportunities she can't provide.
"I'd love to be able to do twice as many if I could. It's worthwhile."