Speaking in an unusually personal way for a Supreme Court member, Justice Sandra Day O'Connor says she shed some tears after her mastectomy six years ago but managed to "shape up and make a go of this" with help from family, friends and her work.
"I'm a survivor," O'Connor said, speaking publicly for the first time about her cancer Thursday to the National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship.She said she initially felt weak and emotional after the operation, but that the disease "fostered a desire in me to make each and every day a good day."
It was an extraordinarily personal speech for a member of the Supreme Court. The justices zealously guard their privacy, particularly regarding their health. After O'Connor's operation on Oct. 21, 1988, court officials would only say she underwent surgery for breast cancer but would not confirm that it was a mastectomy.
"The best thing about all of this is that I had a job to go to," said O'Connor, 64, who became the first female Supreme Court justice in 1981. "I didn't miss anything and it was hard, but I'm so grateful that I had my work to do."
There were bad days, she said, describing her disbelief when she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
"I can remember . . . all of a sudden my face and hands, my whole body tingled," she said. "It couldn't be true. I'm too busy; I feel fine."
O'Connor said her story "is going to sound hauntingly familiar" to anyone who has had breast cancer.
After her mastectomy, O'Connor said, "It was really a tough time . . . Yes, I think there were a few tears shed along the way."
Advice and sympathy from friends who were cancer survivors was a big help, she said, as was the hairdresser who "found a wig or two for me" when she suffered hair loss as a result of che-mo-thera-py.
"And on the chemotherapy - ugh," the justice said. "You do feel lousy and look lousy," but improving one's appearance during that time can be an attitude-booster, she added.
O'Connor drew a laugh when she described how, as part of her recovery, she was told to visualize "all the little good cells running in and stabbing the bad ones."
She also returned to her daily exercise class more quickly than her doctors expected her to.
"I lost strength in my arm and it hurt," she said. But she added: "My legs were OK so I used those. . . . I could chip and putt on the golf course."
The worst part, she said, was the attention from the news media.
"There was constant media coverage," she said. "How does she look? When is she going to step down and give the president another vacancy on the court? She looks pale to me, I don't give her six months."
"Well, I didn't like that," she said.
O'Connor said she realized her illness created enormous stress for her family, too, and that she told herself, "You'd better shape up and make a go of this because you're causing a lot of distress for other people."
People need more information about cancer, she said, and more research is needed to find long-range solutions.
The expense of treatment is a problem, and people need to learn to ask good questions as they consider what kind of treatment to choose, O'Connor said.
Her husband, John O'Connor, accompanied her to doctors' appointments to ensure she didn't miss any important information, she said, adding that people who don't have someone to go along might consider taking a tape recorder.
She spoke of a New York Times magazine cover that showed a woman's uncovered chest - a mastectomy scar on one side and her remaining breast on the other.
"It wasn't just her damaged chest but her resilient dignity which was so powerful," O'Connor said. "It was someone surviving."