Kathleen Braza likes to use a Winnie the Pooh analogy to explain how a grieving person feels. It's from the story in which Pooh Bear eats so much honey he can't get out of the house.

"A bear wedged in great tightness" is the way Pooh himself describes the situation. Someone to be there with him during the painful wait for his body to slim down - that's what Pooh wants most.That's what people who experience a death need, says Braza: someone to be there with them to comfort and listen and reminisce, or just to share the silence.

Braza, a Salt Lake grief counselor, is the narrator of a new video called "To Touch a Grieving Heart" from Panacom, a local video company.

The film was made with the help of the Widowed Persons Service, grief counselor Shirley Rossa, and Ron Nielson, past president of the Utah Funeral Directors Association.

The video is directed at those who want to help someone else who is grieving, but is also useful for grievers themselves, says Ken Isaac, the film's producer.

There is no perfect thing to say to or to do for a griever, the film notes. But here are some tips:

- Grievers need listeners, not advice. "Generally the less we say the better."

- Encourage grievers to reminisce. Don't be afraid to mention their loved one's name or his death.

- Don't say you know exactly how they feel. Everyone's grief is different.

- "Grief work" helps. Encourage mourners to write in journals or write letters to the person who died. Support "healing rituals" such as visits to the cemetery. One man plays a song for his wife on the piano each night. Help mourners do "memory work" so that they can hold onto memories rather than to the pain.

"To Touch a Grieving Heart" costs $29.95. For more information call 467-2299 or 1-800-274-0270.