My father used to say that I was 40 when I was born, because I loved old movies so much when I was a kid. All old movies - comedies, dramas, Westerns, soap operas, science fiction . . . you name it.
In fact, I'm sure that if VCRs had been around in my youth, I would have done precious little else but catch up on movies around the clock.My mother feared all those movies would rot my brain - and, as you can see, she was right.
But I remain convinced that there are important things to be learned from movies (important being a relative term, of course). Things that, for some reason, they don't teach anywhere else.
A few specific examples:
- "Cops and Robbersons": There really is an Oscar curse! Otherwise, how did Dianne Wiest and Jack Palance wind up in this picture? Well, Dianne Wiest anyway.
- "Bad Girls": Men aren't just pigs - they're also stupid. When the bad guys kidnap one of the four title women, do they run off with Madeleine Stowe? Andie MacDowell? Mary Stuart Masterson? Nooooo. They take Drew Barrymore. Get real.
- "Maverick" (opening Friday, May 20): Jodie Foster, who won her two Oscars for brooding dramas ("The Accused," "The Silence of the Lambs"), is a remarkable, sunny presence in this film, and also shows off a genuine talent for physical comedy. Here's hoping she makes more comedies!
- "Father of the Bride II" (scheduled for release at the end of the year): In addition to Steve Martin, Diane Keaton and Kimberly Williams, Martin Short will be back as the weird Franck. He was a highlight the first time around and probably will be in this one, too. Just promise me we won't get a spinoff movie, "Father of the Bride III: All About Franck."
- "Serial Mom": Kathleen Turner has said in interviews that when she first read the script her immediate inclination was to burn it. Who said you shouldn't go with your first impression?
- "Being Human": Ordinarily I don't make references to a person's physical appearance in a movie, unless it's relevant, of course, like Dennis Hopper's phony nose in "Chasers." I would never, for example, refer to Jay Leno by his chin, as do so many TV critics. But it's getting harder to ignore something I've noticed in so many movies over the years, and about which I now feel compelled to comment: Robin Williams is one hairy guy.
- "The Scent of Green Papaya": Papaya is a gorgeous fruit, especially as photographed in this lovely film. And Vietnam was apparently a much more peaceful country before the roar of American helicopters filled the skies.
- "Beverly Hills Cop III" (opening Wednesday, May 25): Though early publicity indicated that this second sequel would follow the trend toward scaling down mayhem and profanity for a PG-13 rating, the Eddie Murphy comedy-thriller will indeed carry an R.
- "Bitter Moon" (Part I): Apparently, after the end of "Four Weddings and a Funeral," Hugh Grant left Andie MacDowell for Kristin Scott-Thomas. (Scott-Thomas has a crush on Grant in "Four Weddings.")
- "The Favor": Elizabeth McGovern still looks like a teenager at 33. When she was complaining to her boyfriend (Brad Pitt, who is actually 30) that he was too young for her, I didn't get it.
- "3 Ninjas Kick Back": Kellye Nakahara-Wallett has apparently been typecast after playing Nurse Kellye on TV's "M*A*S*H" for so many years. Here, she plays a nurse in a Japanese hospital.
- "When a Man Loves a Woman": To keep your marriage alive, couples should try this tip: Leave your house in the middle of the night, wearing only your night clothes, and pelt the neighbor's car - and each other - with eggs. (The question is, would you clean up afterward?)
- "Bitter Moon" (Part II): Stockard Channing is so talented that when she shows up for an unbilled cameo as a snooty Manhattan book agent, her brief scene is the only moment in the entire film that seems real and alive.
- "Clean Slate": Dogs can be trained to do amazing things for the movies. Why doesn't that work at home?
- "A Million to Juan": Edward James Olmos, even in a small role with minimal dialogue, has an incredibly mesmerizing screen presence.
- "Surviving the Game": Rap stars often cross over to movies as darn good actors. Ice Cube in "Boyz N the Hood," Tupac Shakur in "Juice," Ice-T in this film. . . . Why is that?
- "PCU": Would you believe Sen. Orrin Hatch appears in this movie? OK, it's a C-Span TV clip. You were expecting him to play a burned-out '60s radical, maybe?
- "Bitter Moon" (Part III): Hugh Grant showed in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" that his charm is seemingly effortless. But here he proves that without the effort he can be charmless.
- "D2: The Mighty Ducks" and "Major League II": In case you wondered who prevailed in the Battle of the Sheen Brothers Sequels, "D2" has raked in a hefty $41 million so far, while "Major League II" has taken in a respectable $27 million.
- "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective": The surprise hit of the spring? With an amazing box office total of $70 million, you'd better believe it. Can "Ace Ventura II: Another Dog" be far away? (I wonder if Scott Pierce would consider swapping jobs next year.)
- QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Meg Ryan, star of "When a Man Loves a Woman":
"I decided a long time ago that I shouldn't read anything about myself, and I don't. I can honestly say that I don't know what people think of me, and that takes a lot of the pressure off. I don't have to live up to anything.
"But every now and then, something will get through. Like I did a Barbara Walters special and she said people call me the ultimate girl next door. I said to her, `Next door to what?' "