Success isn't everything, and so, before a recent Houston Rockets game at the Summit, forward Mario Elie sat at his cubicle with a look of dejection on his face and a frustrated tone in his voice.
It didn't seem to matter that the Rockets have won back-to-back NBA titles and lead the Midwest Division. Something terrible was about to happen. He was about to go out in public wearing the Rockets' new uniforms."We've got the ugliest ones in the league," Elie said. "That's all you need to know. Every day we get flak. My buddies say we look like the Harlem Globetrotters."
Elie's embarrassment is one side effect of the NBA's hottest topic this year, the uniform change.
Like the 3-point shot, 20-second timeout and illegal defense in years past, this season's most-discussed subject is the garish threads many teams are sporting, often against the will of the players who must model them.
"The only good thing is we don't have to take them home," Rockets point guard Sam Cassell said.
Five teams - including expansion Toronto and Vancouver - have completely new uniforms this season. Another five have adopted something called a secondary road uniform, an extra outfit for the road that is basically another way for teams to increase revenue and visibility.
There are currently 10 teams using the secondary road concept.
"You've got the two-time world champions and they dress them up like this?" said Charles Barkley of the Rockets' new look. "Anything to make money. These owners have no respect for the players or the fans. They just care about making money. They (complain) to the players about how much money they make, but it's all right for a team to change logos all the time."
The opportunity to sell another jersey or jacket to eager fans adds up to big money. The NBA went from $1.5 billion in league-related merchandise sales in 1990-91 to approximately $3 billion in '94-95.
It doesn't hurt sales if a kid has to buy three jerseys to keep pace with his favorite players.
And it seems to be working.
In Houston, response to the Rockets' much-criticized pinstripe fashion statement, complete with a razor-toothed, smiling Rocket logo that looks fresh from the 1960s, has been exceedingly positive.
"We just opened our own shop and the response has been overwhelming," said John Thomas, the Rockets' executive vice president of business operations. "As fast as we can put merchandise on the floor, it was being taken out by customers."
During Chicago's recent Western Conference road swing, fans showed up at every stop wearing Michael Jordan or Scottie Pippen jerseys in the new black-with-red-pinstripes look the Bulls unveiled this season.
The uniforms have not won over Jordan, who complained that the pinstripes too closely resemble Eastern Conference rival Orlando.
And in perhaps the ultimate act of hubris, the New York Knicks asked the NBA for permission to debut their new secondary road uniforms at Madison Square Garden, in a high-profile game against the Rockets last month, no doubt to pique fan interest.
And it's only going to get worse. Cleveland, Detroit, Golden State, Indiana, Minnesota, Orlando and Utah already have applied to the NBA for new uniforms next season. The Cavaliers just switched uniforms last season, meaning they will have gone a whole two years between design changes.
But while everyone may be changing uniforms, the unifying theme appears to be how appalling some designs have turned out.
The Rockets aside, enough other teams have so outdone themselves in tastelessness that the league may need to hire Mr. Blackwell.
Vancouver wears an almost neon-teal on the road with a menacing grizzly logo wrapped around the shorts.
Atlanta has forsaken stripes or trim for a dizzying blend of bright red and black that makes players appear to be out of focus.
Seattle's new logo and colors mirror a sloppy painter's palette.
Charlotte's alternate road uniforms, in bright purple, forced Clippers point guard Pooh Richardson to shield his eyes as he walked onto the court.
"It's getting ridiculous," Bulls guard Steve Kerr said. "They're just so overdone. There's too many marketing experts trying to find how much teal they can put in every jersey."
The biggest focus of criticism, however, is reserved for the traditional powers such as Chicago and New York who have seemingly sold out by changing classic uniforms.
"They're ugly and you can say the Oak said that," New York forward Charles Oakley said, objecting to the solid, black trim the Knicks uniforms featured. "They're cut for white college kids. They're too tight."
The Bulls hardly endeared themselves to their players when they forced the team to wear black road uniforms this season.
"I would have hoped we would have been above that," Kerr said. "Are the Celtics going to go with green and white pinstripes on the road? Are the Lakers going to go with purple and gold pinstripes? I don't think so."