Laugh and the world laughs with you . . . Or so the saying goes.
But what's more important is that your partner laughs with you. Couples who laugh together last together, according to researchers. A shared sense of humor shows that you and your partner have common values, needs, interests and levels of intelligence - all keys to relationship longevity.Of course, not all of us are masters of the one-liner.
But even if most of your schticks are in the mud, you can still learn to put playfulness into your relationships.
And you probably won't find a better teacher than Dr. Steve Allen Jr., a baby-boomer family physician, humorist and the son of the famous comedian.
"My prescription for long life is creative silliness," says Allen, who is an assistant professor of family medicine and an associate dean of student affairs at the SUNY Health Science Center College of Medicine in Syracuse, N.Y. He is also a certified sex educator.
These days, Allen spends a lot of time on the lecture circuit, teaching corporations and medical groups "creative silliness."
To see him do his thing is to flash back to his father - the voice, the oversized glasses, the timing, the trademark cackle.
You can almost see Steve Allen Sr. collapsed in helpless laughter on his desk on the old "Tonight" show. You can almost hear a "Hi ho, Steverino."
But Dr. Steve Allen's mission is to be an entertaining healer. He delivers a serious message in stand-up style.
"There's an essential need for silliness in life," he says. "There's a 3-year-old inside each of us." He's not talking about a wounded inner child either. He means a happy, giggling 3-year-old.
Letting this playful child out can rejuvenate our relationships.
"When asked about the most important characteristics in a partner, people put sense of humor at the forefront," Allen says. "It's very appealing and sexy. Humor has detoxifying and defusing abilities that go a long way toward keeping relationships intact."
He offers an example from his own life.
He and his wife sometimes find themselves in a "debate mode" escalating toward an argument. "Neither of us wants to give in. We need a way to call a halt and resume the discussion later."
What signal would work? The Allens came up with a zany prop - a water pistol shaped like a banana.
"We got three or four banana guns and left them loaded around the house," he says. When things heat up, one or both grab a banana gun and squirt it - not at each other, Allen is quick to add, but at the floor.
"There was something so comical about the banana gun that after a while just reaching for it would break the tension."
A good laugh, like a good cry or good intimacy, is a natural tranquilizer. After a slight rise in heart rate and blood pressure during the laugh itself, the body muscles almost immediately relax and blood pressure drops.
At the same time, Allen points out, the brain may release endorphins - nature's own opiates. Laughing is a natural stress-buster.
Humor also heightens your ability to come up with creative solutions - a plus in any marriage. In 1987, studies at the University of Maryland found that after watching comedy tapes students were better able to solve creative problems than a control group.
Nowhere is humor more necessary than in the bedroom.
"There is so much tension and pressure surrounding sex today," Allen says. "This is where wearing a clown nose would really come in handy."
Whimsy can do a couple of good things for your sex life. Not only can it supply novelty, it can help you know if your partner is in the mood for the same kind of lovemaking you are.
"Rarely are partners in the same mood at the same time," Allen says. He suggests that couples hang a chalkboard on the bedroom door with a list of lovemaking moods.
They may vary from quick, recreational, aerobic and then I want to go to sleep, to I'm not so interested but I'll go along, to reverent and spiritual, a three-hour momentous event. "Then you simply put a check mark in the appropriate box to indicate your interest."
Taking yourself and your relationship a little more lightheartedly has a number of positive effects. Chief among them may be boosting the immune system by raising levels of endorphins.
"It turns out that the receptors for endorphins in the brain are also found on white blood cells," Allen says. Researchers are investigating whether that means an increase in endorphins may stimulate white blood cell activity, which is crucial in fighting off infections and other diseases.
Allen points out that in the Zuni Indian culture, clowns are considered healers right along with medicine men and women. If you come down with an illness - no matter what - you can choose to be treated by a clown.
He adds that the word "silly" did not originally mean ridiculous or trivial. It comes from the Old English "saelig," which meant blessed, prosperous, happy and healthy.
"That's what my work is all about," Allen says. "Silliness is a way to feel all four things."
Whether your taste in humor runs to dry, slapstick, yuk-yuk or a cosmic belly laugh, you'll want to incorporate some humor into your relationship - because keeping it healthy can be a laughing matter.