Police still respond slowly to domestic violence, and not even such highly publicized cases as O.J. Simpson's murder trial have changed that, say frustrated victims' advocates.

"The O.J. Simpson case has had a ripple effect on public awareness, but the No. 1 problem remains uneven enforcement," says Esta Soler of the Family Violence Prevention Fund in San Francisco.Michele Olvera of the Battered Women's Justice Project in Reading, Pa., said more law enforcement agencies need to adopt "a pro-arrest policy that emphasizes the woman's safety."

The U.S. Civil Rights Commission said much the same thing 14 years ago when it urged police departments to abandon policies of avoiding intervention and arrests in domestic disputes and assaults.

Olvera said some police are doing better jobs of protecting abused spouses, including police in Nashville, Tenn.; Duluth, Minn., and Quincy, Mass.

But most police departments draw criticism for ignoring violence and treating such cases as simply a matter of crisis inter-ven-tion.

Crime statistics show that the overwhelming majority of abused spouses are women and that a significant percentage of victims are physically assaulted again after seeking police help.

"Among the most dangerous words in the English language today are `Will you marry me?' and, `If I can't have you, no one will,' " said Lynne Gold-Bilkin, who chairs the American Bar Association's family law section.

Over the past decade, some victims who blamed police for not arresting their assailants sued and won jury verdicts against police departments and their com-mun-i-ties.

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But the prospects of preserving such victories appear slim.

Two Supreme Court decisions are stumbling blocks to holding police departments or their communities accountable for their domestic-violence policies.

In one, the court ruled in 1989 that public officials do not have a constitutional duty to protect people, including abused children, who are not in custody.

In the second, a 1987 ruling, the court said death penalty laws can be valid even if statistics indicate they are carried out in racially biased ways.

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