My late mother-in-law, who was widowed in her 50s, worried that she would outlive her money and that there would be nothing left to leave her children.
It brings us to the age-old question: What do parents owe their children and what do children owe their parents?I have told my mother she doesn't have to leave me a tip when she goes. A final gratuity for what? Good service? Doing my job as a daughter like a professional? Patience?
What does a mother owe her child? Stability, gentleness, a presence during good and bad times, and heels that dig in as she pronounces, "I'm never going to give up on you, so get used to having me around."
What does a child owe her parents? It depends. Is Dad a good father who shows up? Is your mother someone who only went through contractions and you're what she got for it? You owe them a fair amount of patience, understanding and forgiveness and love that is always there even when you don't want it to be.
I've watched a number of people at funerals, and I'm always intrigued as to what they consider a legacy. "Mom wanted me to have those mixing bowls." "I'll take the six quilts and the Christmas ornaments. You can fight over the rest." And money - there's always the possibility of a windfall.
We wanted nothing from my mother-in-law's estate. I didn't need a TV set or a tote bag with shells on it to remember her. Her debt to me was more than repaid during her lifetime.
As her two children and their respective families sat around during the wake held in Orlando telling wonderful stories of her life, my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. Mom's "estate" would just about get all 12 of us to Disney World for a day. That's how Mom would like to be remembered by us.
And that's what we did. We enjoyed the magic of a wonderful world where skyrockets zoomed over castles and little make-believe animals came to life and marched down Main Street. It was a glorious, happy day dedicated to life and the memory of a woman who enjoyed every part of it.
Maybe the Egyptians had the right idea. Take it with you when you go. Perhaps that's what it takes for the survivors to realize they were left with the real riches - life.